is there a darkest night?

the journey has been long...

I willingly gave of my street clothes

Even they were uncomfortable for me

I reluctantly adorned the equipment,

Head lamp, protective vest, and emergency radio

A cavernous journey

What was I getting myself into?

 

I entered the cave

Full gear intact

Power, function, control,

Confidence-façade or my truth, not sure

Foolishly I shed the protective vest

Damn the confidence

No cistern, no spring

Nowhere to replenish

Weakening step by step

 

The depths fell deeper

The darkness engulfed

Power, function, confidence shed like the beads of sweat on my brow

I pushed on because obedience was my game

Disappointment my fear

No knowledge of day or night

I hid behind the shield of control

 

The enemies of the night began their folly

I spun in confusion

Was thrown by memory’s recklessness

Stabbed repeatedly by the words of omission

Scorned by the eyes of many

Blinded by reality

Tortured with disdain

The lamp’s glow dwindled to but a shadow

The connection to the world ripped from my chest

When I know not

Lost in the fury

Obscurity my greatest fear

 

In my soul’s darkest night

I learned that memory was wrenched ages ago

It mattered not, though,

I hid my polished tools

Intellect, creativity, the barometer of energy

They could not be stripped, right?

The darkest of night knew not of my secret weapons

My connection to control

 

The battle raged on

Memories, mine, that which were taken

Pierced as poisoned spears

Leaving gaping wounds

Disempowering the circuitry

I lay for dead until the toxin dispersed

Slowly I rose to my knees

Intellect tainted

Confusion, chaos, cacophony reigned

 

I was pummeled by more reality

Arrows from every direction

No part of my being not impaired

Every last cell tainted

No longer could I manage my strength

I lay only able to stir the fine motors of my energy barometer

No, no, no, p�"l�"e�"a�"s-e no!

That, too, was gone

Words, images, all expressions were taken

Even my connectedness to me, knowing, seized

 

A cynical chortle echoed in the depths of darkness

I could hear the sloppy gathering of drool -

I have her all.

Every ounce of all of me was gone

Defeat was assumed

Nothing of me able to raise the flag of surrender

There was no more me.

 

Is there a darkest night?

I know not if the darkest night is in the stripping or the knowing

Every moment feels like the darkest night

For there are many darkest nights

As there are many me

I am here

In the darkest night

And it is now.