Periwinkle blue*

 

Periwinkle blue

Sunset blue, periwinkle blue.

Distance is a blurred idea.

Windows of the car project

the fast eroding remnants of this

city, the soft woods by the road.

 

Five is number of friends

I have made this time and that’s all.

Five torn cords are still dangling from

my feverish piece of heart. Frayed.

Drowsiness is sealing my soul.

From a scratch to build the whole is

my life, pop has promised a bigger

house this time though. New city,

transfer, sigh, ha life’s roads are blue…

 

the road is blue, a buzz of dreams

broken and promises not kept. 

The slate, the red, the sleep and blue

are blending, mixing, becoming one.

I am putting more to sleep than

can ever depict, periwinkle…

Reviews

[Ankhesen Mié]

Once again, I'm loving your imagery. I particularly liked this line:

"Distance is a blurred idea."

Such melancholy, such cynicism. The depressive tone really seeped through in the final stanza:

"the road is blue, a buzz of dreams
broken and promises not kept.
The slate, the red, the sleep and blue
are blending, mixing, becoming one.
I am putting more to sleep than
can ever depict, periwinkle�"

Remarkable beauty. By the way, I love how you title your poems.

[Celtic Cat]

WOW.. this is fabulous!!!! A very, very great piece! So sad... the fragmented friendships.... but I suppose such is life. Thanks for sharing this piece with me... it's going into my favs for sure. Periwinkle blue....sigh.

[1809 Black Plague Decem..]

Its hard to live in the city, love how you depict the solitare as periwinkle blue,
with it has a joyful, outlook of how may be a brood of the blues, :)

mishel

[Nancy Lee Shrader]

Very nice poem.

[Ani Ashford]

Oh yes, I so relate - when I was a child we had 6 huge moves across the US - leaving myself, my family without connections, friendships or family. Your words just flow and I can feel the movement in the car. So many hours in the car - thinking and reshaping all that passed by - viewing the textures and colors along with the emotions. Well done. I really like your writing.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

Wow! This is simply awesome!
The flow and tempo of the poem has been maintained exceptionally well with your words.
For me, these lines out stand from the entire poem-
"the road is blue, a buzz of dreams
broken and promises not kept" - I simply loved the depth and thoughtfulness here.
Its always nice for a reader to read meaningful poems like this, This will surely remain in my good books :)
Great work as always!!!

[SN]

I love the idea of this one. At first I thought some parts could benefit from restructuring the phrases, but I think it could potentially damage the flow of both phrases in the stanzas and images. The message conveyed is so pure I could instantly related. Yes, I did move around a bit but this poem sapped in way more than that (of me).
"Five torn cords are still dangling from
my feverish piece of heart. Frayed.
Drowsiness is sealing my soul."
This killed me. Great work..

[J.Sinclair (Morrow)]

I love this idea - the way you use colors to bring us along a trip. I like the line Distance is a blurred idea.

This is actually my favorite part. It reads so well:

Distance is a blurred idea.
Windows of the car project
the fast eroding remnants of this
city, the soft woods by the road.

These two lines also read very well too:


Five is number of friends
I have made this time and that's all.

The rest of the poem to me does not read as well. Its good but not as good as those favorite parts I listed.

The poem is haunting and melancholy in its tone. I really think the tone is done real well. And the use of color in this poem is also a very good idea, and very creative. I feel like I am missing something about why periwinkle blue, and what is being put to sleep.

A beautiful poem _ I think some of just went over my head, but I would work on the structure of the lines in parts.

[Broken.]

I too see the depth of your work. Although I may not understand the full meaning either in your mind or the public's, I find that this have become a mind trembling favorite of mine (:

[alternative_be]

The title of your poem instantly made me think of Hyancinth Bucket (pronounced Bouquet) of the ever repeatin series 'Keeping up appearances'... But that was just a distraction!
I can relate to your gem very well, for I am about to move house to the country, closer to my relatives and some of my oldest friends and acquantances... But I also am leaving behind close friends in the city
So I take the liberty to see where you are coming from.
Please keep on writing and use your excellent feeling of images!
Do take care when it comes down to grammar, because you tend to forget the little words like 'the' and 'a' sometimes. I was glad to read that you were published in your native language!
You have a great mind for images! Please keep that up!
In case you feel the need for help with your minor grammatical issues. I am here to help!