The Spice Smuggler

The Spice Smuggler

A Story by Liam M. Lennon
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Short Side Story.

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Britannia. Decourbrug 7th, 1277.

On the small island of York, a fisherman sits at his favourite fishing spot, and it has been a quiet morning of fishing for the young fisherman, a quiet morning indeed. On the horizon, the fisherman spots a small ship sailing in the direction of York.

Nothing unusual about ships coming to York, but it is never a good sign seeing ships coming from the east, there are only two things that could come ashore from the east, but which was it? business or trouble.   

Aboard that ship is Captain Masao Kubo, the best spice smuggler in all Takahama. The small vessel comes to a stop as it docks at the harbour at York, upon arrival its crew disperse from the ship, Masao walks off his ship and looks at the large market place in the distance, he takes a large inhale of fresh air before saying aloud “It’s been too long since I was last here, I wonder how Maggie’s doing these days” a woman with her arms folded stands angrily behind Masao, the woman has long curly ginger hair, “Masao!” shouts the woman from behind, Masao turns around and says “Maggie, my dear Maggie, how did you know I was coming?” Maggie replies “Samuel spotted you an hour ago, when he was out fishing” Masao approaches Maggie with open arms but Maggie in a state of rage with Masao and ducks under his arms, Maggie runs off in the direction of the market.

Masao makes his way into the market in search of Maggie, Masao yells out “Maggie, Maggie… where are you?” Masao looks around the crowed market, at the corner of his eye he spots this beloved Maggie, Masao runs to her while calling out her name. Maggie stops in her tracks, she turns to face Masao and says “why didn’t you return sooner?” Masao moves to embrace Maggie.

Maggie stops him and says “I have something to tell you, the day you left all those years ago, I found out something wonderful… I was unable to tell you then, but…” Maggie continues “Masao… I want you to meet… your son” a child appears from behind Maggie, Masao kneels as he reaches out for his son, the boy runs into Masao’s arms, Masao rustles the kids ginger hair before saying “ma boy” tears of joy come from Masao as he holds his child for the first time.


© 2017 Liam M. Lennon



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A lovely story with a nice ending. A few things I would change would be the constant uses of the characters names, don't be afraid to use pronouns. Another thing I would change and something I only started doing recently when my friend(a video game writer) gave me some advice, break up the dialogue don't stick it in the middle of paragraphs as it can be tough to follow. For example it may read better as.

“It’s been too long since I was last here, I wonder how Maggie’s doing these days” Masao says to himself.

A woman with long curly ginger hair and folded arms stands angrily behind Masao.

“Masao!” shouts the woman from behind.

“Maggie, my dear Maggie, how did you know I was coming?” he joyfully replies as he turns to look the woman in the eye.


Just a little tip. Hope it helps.


Posted 10 Months Ago


Liam M. Lennon

10 Months Ago

Cheers for the review, I should have broken it up, need to make a habit of structuring my writing be.. read more

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Added on December 26, 2016
Last Updated on January 4, 2017
Tags: Old Souls

Author

Liam M. Lennon
Liam M. Lennon

Lurgan, Armagh, Ireland



About
I love to write scripts. I am trying to improve my writing through short stories. more..

Writing
Aura Gale + Aura Gale +

A Screenplay by Liam M. Lennon