Maiden of Magic

Maiden of Magic

A Chapter by Liam M. Lennon
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First Chapter.

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Chapter I

Maiden of Magic

 

On the boarders of Aura Gale there lies the small town of Frost Hammer. Amongst the town there is a cemetery, here we find a young woman, dressed in a green and black fashioned tunic with a hood.

Reading aloud upon the grave that she visits “… and the couple were wedded, and lived happily together until the end of their days. How was that my brother”

The woman teared up at the silence, before yet again speaking to the grave stone “I’ll be back, I’ll bring a better book next time, my dear brother” the young woman closes the book and proceeds to leave the cemetery.

The woman walks back to town, to her little house beside the river, a long walk due to the house being in isolation from the rest.

The woman enters her house, she takes off her hood revealing her short brunette hair.

The woman then reaches for the pendant around her neck.         The shiny metallic pendant in her hands has started to glow a white light and then a voice calls out in a deep wise tone “Maria my dear, why haven’t we left for Aura Gale?”

Maria softly replays “we are on the boarders Master, just let me have some time, my brother has just died and I would like to mourn his death”

The voice calls back “very well take what time you need, but we need to find the sword Of Ezra Dragonfire, it’s the only thing that can free me from this cursed pendant” Maria drops the pendant and replies “yes, yes you’ve told me a thousand times it’s of great importance I know”

An easing reply says “well, if we must stay awhile longer how about we proceed with your training?”

Maria strides across the room towards a pile of books, she sets her own book amongst the rest “ok then, where shall I begin?” says Maria.

The pendant relays to the question “I suggest we continue down the path of Illusion, disguising spell books as other objects will be a key ability once we get into the bigger cities” Maria nods as she slips her finger down the spine of the books, she stops at the book that catches her interest it reads The art of illusion magic volume one, this was indeed the book to continue her training, Maria opens up the book and starts to read.

Pacing around the room as she reads page after page, not able to sit at peace, back and forth between an armchair and the table enough to break the nerves of anyone watching but Maria was alone, that’s how it’s always been but Maria is never alone if she has her Master around her neck like a piece of fine jewellery.

After finishing the required reading material Maria sets the book down on the table, Maria rolls up her sleeves and speaks “Master, I think I am ready” a tired voice speaks from the pendant “about time, now give it a try” Maria waves her hands in formation, she forms the magic seal and using her thoughts she casts the illusion spell, her book of illusions changes cover it now reads History of Aura Gale, the illusion was successful and with the click of her fingers Maria undo’s the spell.

The pendant speaks “very good, your casting has improved, I will still make a magician out of you yet” Maria blushes at the approval of her Master, “thank you” says Maria as she picks the illusion book up, Maria continues “I will keep practicing my magic, one day I’ll become powerful” the pendant replies “indeed and with my freedom I could teach you faster” Maria puts the book to the top of the pile from which it came.

Exhausted from practicing her magic Maria sits down and proceeds to get nice and snug in her armchair, she gazes at the blue self-raging flames inside her fireplace as she lets comfort overwhelm her. As the flames flicker her mind starts to ponder asking questions about her upcoming journey to Aura Gale, before she knew it Maria had fallen asleep snug in her chair.




© 2017 Liam M. Lennon



My Review

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Featured Review

I like this story a lot :) There are some mistakes, but this has a lot of potential. I'm not an experienced writer myself (I have only written one short story so far :D hopefully more soon), so take my review with a grain of salt:
"On the boarders of Aura Gale there lies the small town of Frost Hammer. Amongst the town there is a cemetery"[I like how the story starts with taking the reader through the scenery like camera zooming in to the point of the story], "here we find"[sounds like a documentary narration] "a young woman, dressed in a green and black fashioned tunic with a hood."[Try hiding the details of her clothing, and other trivial things, in sentences that carry the story foward like: ...pulling up the hood of her green and black tunic to hide her tears...]
"Reading aloud upon the grave that she visits “… and the couple were wedded, and lived happily together until the end of their days. How was that my brother”"[I thought she was reading what was written on the grave stone]
"The woman teared up at the silence, before yet again speaking to the grave stone “I’ll be back, I’ll bring a better book next time, my dear brother” the young woman closes the book and proceeds to leave the cemetery."[I love this idea of her reading books to her dead brother]
"The woman walks back to town, to her little house beside the river, a long walk due to the house being in isolation from the rest."[This part got me confused with the locations of the places in the story. If you like drawing(the book cover is nicely drawn), try making a map of the important places in your book so you can easily keep track of the directions and distances]
"The woman enters her house, she["and" would fit here better imo] takes off her hood revealing her short brunette hair."[oh, you did here exactly what I was talking about earlier :D]
"...why haven’t we left for Aura Gale?”"[I am confused is Aura Gale the name of the land in which she lives or is the name of the capital city of the land?]
The rest is great, I have nothing to complain about it. Please write more of this story. I want to read what happens next :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Liam M. Lennon

2 Months Ago

This is my favorite review, because you gave honest feedback, I hadn't seen this review because I ha.. read more



Reviews

I like this story a lot :) There are some mistakes, but this has a lot of potential. I'm not an experienced writer myself (I have only written one short story so far :D hopefully more soon), so take my review with a grain of salt:
"On the boarders of Aura Gale there lies the small town of Frost Hammer. Amongst the town there is a cemetery"[I like how the story starts with taking the reader through the scenery like camera zooming in to the point of the story], "here we find"[sounds like a documentary narration] "a young woman, dressed in a green and black fashioned tunic with a hood."[Try hiding the details of her clothing, and other trivial things, in sentences that carry the story foward like: ...pulling up the hood of her green and black tunic to hide her tears...]
"Reading aloud upon the grave that she visits “… and the couple were wedded, and lived happily together until the end of their days. How was that my brother”"[I thought she was reading what was written on the grave stone]
"The woman teared up at the silence, before yet again speaking to the grave stone “I’ll be back, I’ll bring a better book next time, my dear brother” the young woman closes the book and proceeds to leave the cemetery."[I love this idea of her reading books to her dead brother]
"The woman walks back to town, to her little house beside the river, a long walk due to the house being in isolation from the rest."[This part got me confused with the locations of the places in the story. If you like drawing(the book cover is nicely drawn), try making a map of the important places in your book so you can easily keep track of the directions and distances]
"The woman enters her house, she["and" would fit here better imo] takes off her hood revealing her short brunette hair."[oh, you did here exactly what I was talking about earlier :D]
"...why haven’t we left for Aura Gale?”"[I am confused is Aura Gale the name of the land in which she lives or is the name of the capital city of the land?]
The rest is great, I have nothing to complain about it. Please write more of this story. I want to read what happens next :)

Posted 3 Months Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Liam M. Lennon

2 Months Ago

This is my favorite review, because you gave honest feedback, I hadn't seen this review because I ha.. read more
I think your wording is good for the story. However, I think you should expand on the length of the chapter. For me, this was a too short of a chapter, yet it was still great! :D

Posted 5 Months Ago


Liam M. Lennon

5 Months Ago

Well thanks, it was originally longer but I cut two pages worth, I just wanted something short to be.. read more
Brian Warby

5 Months Ago

Oh, cool! You should have kept the extra two pages. But since the other chapters will be longer, it .. read more
Liam M. Lennon

5 Months Ago

Yeah well I didn't like how it originally read so I got rid of those pages, but the other chapters a.. read more

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Added on June 6, 2017
Last Updated on June 6, 2017


Author

Liam M. Lennon
Liam M. Lennon

Lurgan, Armagh, Ireland



About
I love to write scripts. I am trying to improve my writing through short stories. more..

Writing
Aura Gale + Aura Gale +

A Screenplay by Liam M. Lennon