The Last Piece of Pie.

This is based on a writing exercise, one of those where you are given a line and run with it. I got it from this site, which I am LOVING: A year's worth of em!

She would not give him the last piece of pie.

This wouldn’t bother him so much, except that she didn’t even want the pie herself. What was her excuse for this unforgiveable behavior? “You’ve already had four slices. That’s enough for you.” Ridiculous. She must enjoy withholding things from him. Yes, that must be it. Never mind that he had become rather overweight lately and his diet consisted of mostly pizza, pie, and Coke. She often criticized his food choices but he had defended it very well, he thought. Pie has fruit. Pizza has vegetables, sometimes. It also had bread, cheese, tomato sauce (more vegetables!) and meat, and wasn’t that covering the food groups? He had even switched to Coke Zero to make her happy, and that wasn’t even enough for her. She dismissed this defense as “idiotic” and even laughed. Now he knew what his buddies meant when they told him that after marriage women turn from sweet girls to insufferable, nagging beasts. He should have listened to them.

 

To rebel against this oppressive regime The Wife had put into place, he was now sitting in the kitchen at one in the morning, eating the last slice of pie. Cherry pie was delicious. Cherry pie consumed in rebellion doubly so. Their big black Labrador, Buddha, sat patiently beside him, staring intently at the pie, hoping for some sympathy from one who was also once Pieless.

 

Oh no! Footsteps on the stairs! He wondered, do I hide the evidence? What is my story? Why am I at the kitchen table at one in the morning? Why is there cherry pie on my shirt? Why is the dog eating something in the potted plant? No, this would become too elaborate. He must have courage, take a stand against this terrible thing that had come between them. Battle of the Pie.

 

“Bill, what are you doing?”

“Uhhh"“
“Oh my god! Are you f*****g serious?! You came down here in the middle of the night to eat that god damn pie?! This is a new low, Bill. A new low. Augh, I can’t even look at you. You know what, if you want to be a fat pig so badly, go ahead. I won’t stop you. Eat all the pie you want. Just don’t be surprised when I stop letting you put your piggy hands on me. Yes, you heard me right. You can have as much of that pie as you want, but none of this pie. Understood? Wonderful. You finish your f*****g pie and sleep on the couch. Goodnight.”

She turned around without another word and went back upstairs to bed. He watched her walk away and observed the appealing curves of her behind under her robe. He didn’t feel triumphant.

 

He looked at Buddha. Buddha looked at him.

“What do you think? Did I deserve that?”
“whuff.” [Give me pie.]

“Maybe I did. But she did come between a man and his pie. That will do crazy things to a man.”
“rruff.” [Pie.]

“You’re right. I am talking to a dog instead of being in bed with my wife. This pie was delicious, but I now much make amends. She is ruthless and cruel, but she has a good side. Perhaps I can strike a deal to ensure continuation of both cherry pie and wife pie.”

“grrrrr…” [You are not eating the pie, and yet you have not given it to me. Give me the pie, human.]

“Of course, maybe I should leave that battle for tomorrow. Bed now, pie later. Dogs know everything. Thank you for your wisdom, Buddha. Here, have the remains of what has now become Shame Pie.”

 

He placed the pie plate on the floor, and undertook a journey to the Bedroom: The Land of Wife. He hoped to organize a time of peace with its ruler. Perhaps I shall sacrifice pie after all, he thought. Pie is no longer delicious after being tainted with shame. 

Author's Note

Note this was not written with realism in mind. Obviously. haha

Reviews

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Thought this was cute really, So wonderful.
Love the imagery and descriptiveness.
So nicely written.