Fallen To Zero.

Bottomless pit.

Snake green eyes, a demonic soul seems to weep. 

Emotions seem to forever seep through this damned creature. 

Hold onto this: my past, present, and future; oh chains of an unbinding hell. 

Forever shall we continue to reap. 

Seamless whispers of unheard pleas. 

Tell me what your heart silently screams. 

Tell me what cannot be seen. 

Fall prey to the many faces of the sirens sea. 

Colors seen with an inked pitch. 

Loneliness within abandonment, light finds company with darkness. 

Last breaths are taken from weary wanderers. 

This feeling is like an everlasting itch. 

Never leaving me will be this rage. 

Kill with the anticipation of insanity. 

Live a lie in your own vision. 

This demons soul should forever be encaged.

Ignorance is forever wished upon, but never sought. 

After seeing within the darkness, how could one dream of such hope?

Thou shall never fathom the caged desperado. 

Had it all been for naught.

Forever will this be engraved in my heart. 

There's grievance existing in this vain life. 

Forgotten in the depths of time. 

I will never be able to restart.

Embrace me my sorrow. 

Get lost in the memoir of yesterday. 

Freeze in the sands of revenge. 

Let the clock hit zero. 

Author's Note

Yes, I meant to keep that last part to break the rhythm. I hope that's OK.

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Larul

My chance to review you.

We have said hello.

And now I see you in the poetry of your words.

If there is anything a poet or any writer should seek to do with their writing, it is to get the reader to feel, to emote, to react and in so reacting be moved at the best very deeply.

And in this poem, you catch me unawares and I fall backwards.

It is for me looking at my reflection in a mirror.

Whatever our age or gender, it takes one to know one.

We share something in common.

My reviews are invariably long.

Why?

Because if a writer has gone to the trouble of saying something, I feel I need to go to the trouble of saying something back.

Even more than that, if you move me, as this piece of yours does, I have no choice but to tell you how I feel. It's almost my duty as reader to writer.

Let me do this review as it comes. No order.

Structure / rhyme / iambs, rhythm or metre: 7 stanzas each with 4 lines where the rhyme is always 'abca' - that is that the first and last lines rhyme but the middle two don't figure.

You even have a happy internal rhyme in your first stanza, unrepeated elsewhere of 'weep' 'seep' 'reap'. Now if you are going to do that anywhere, the punch of the first verse is where to do it. And you do it effectively here.

As for breaking rhythm / metre / iambs / beat or if you like keeping it curt in the last stanza, why not?! Its your punch line!

You cannot mean rhyme. 'Sorrow' and 'zero' do rhyme. My predecessor reviewer, no fault attaching, misspelt it. Easily done.

But actually your rhythm varies throughout. Just look at the comparative length of your sentences.

What I see you doing at least in the last verse is to switch from statements to pleas i.e. from the first, second and third persons to the vocative.

It is easy to get lost in definitions.

All you need to know is that it works for me!

Allusions / metaphor: There is much to like here:

To quote by way of example:

'Snake green eyes, a demonic soul seems to weep'

'Seamless whispers of unheard pleas'

'This feeling is like an everlasting itch'

And that last I just love as lines go!

Meaning: I could go on about this forever.

But I see in it the words of my novel Split and the stuff of the bipolar.

Just a couple of lines show the caged anger of the Mr Hyde which lies behind the melancholic Dr Jekyll:

The sad Dr Jekyll:

'Forgotten in the depths of time.
I will never be able to restart'.

The angry Mr Hyde and the clue to this piece which can only ever be about insanity for me:

'Never leaving me will be this rage.
Kill with the anticipation of insanity.
Live a lie in your own vision.
This demons soul should forever be encaged'.

There is a lion encaged in us all but even more so in the bipolar, which remains leashed but which may finally find its way out in a destructive or self-destructive manner.

I could keep analysing this piece forensically until the cows come home.

It says much about you.

It speaks volumes about perception.

'Is an intellect openly open to others?'

Yes yours is to mine.

Well written



James Hanna-Magill

[Larul]

Dear James,

Thank you very much for your absolutely fantastic review!

I have no problem in your, or any others review to be long. If possible it gives you points, and also is a great response for the other. It brought a smile to my lips, and I read it with speedy concentration.

I don't expect most to understand my feelings, but if they do I hope they understand they are not alone. The same with your writing. It's for me, more like 'silent' whispers for others who can hear it, understand.

I'm surprised that you were caught unaware, and 'fell' backwards. To shock you, is an achievement! Since you are a wise intellect, with knowledge within your years.

It seems I have captured the rawness in my newly found understanding emotion. I feel content with myself much more now.

Thank you for the kind words of your judgment. I will try 200% to fully tame the raw power of imagination.

If you haven't I would like you to review my 'Reap Me In Rapture.' If you haven't already. I must go look, I guess.~

Sincerely,
Larul

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Larul

It was my complete pleasure.

I was caught by the title 'Reap me in Rapture' when I was looking for something of yours to review.

I'll come back to review it soon.

Best wishes

Your friend

James

[Aiden]

I like the break in the rhyme. I think it solidifies the piece. You have a way with words than cannot be denied, chérie. Beautiful.

[Larul]

Dear Aiden,

Thank you very much.~

I like your way with words as well. I shall wait for more to come from you.

Sincerely,
Larul.