Consider Revising

An Existential Story

I sit here alone in the middle of the night, typing. Trying to start a story or poem. Just my computer and me and a handful of words in my head. Always helpful, my computer uses its bright red and green to help me along or give its opinion.

Red means stop, you don't know your words, you've made something up or used the wrong letters. Green means you lack a grasp of sentence structure you've forgotten a noun, verb or you've rambled on much too long. Helpful or annoying, red and green; it's up to you to decide.

I look up and see the red under my name. Half in jest, I ask if the computer thinks I don't exist. I right click and look for suggestions, but there are none, for now I'll ignore the stain on the story. Then thinking, I type a small sentence.

I exist.

And underneath a green line soon appears, but that isn't right, in writing, that sentence is correct. Subject and verb is all that you need, no reason for the green to be there. Backspacing eight times soon erases the grass green smudge. Then thinking, I try again.

I exist.

Not only the green but, this time red, too. Bright green under all and blood red under ‘I’. What does this mean? I ponder in silence. ‘I’ with red under, but ‘I’ is a word, a one letter word, not misspelled or mistaken. ‘I’ is ‘I’ is ‘I’, impossible to explain, but it is used every day. The ultimate expression of self and self-awareness. Right clicking the ‘I’, all it says is no suggestions, then right clicking the green it has a single simple sentence in response.

Consider Revising.

What does it mean? How can I rephrase such a simple statement in order for my program to agree that my existence is not in question? Sitting and thinking, thinking and sitting, I come to a conclusion. Why should I worry? It's only a computer after all; everything it knows; it knows because someone told it, so I decided to fix the first mistake I noticed. I right clicked my name and added it to the mythic dictionary so that I might indeed exist. It seemed to accept, everything seemed to go well, and then without warning, my name disappeared. Again I typed it, there at the top, as always, and again it vanished upon completion.

I open a new document to get a new start, to see if the glitch could be bypassed. Deciding to forgo the usual name at the top, I contemplate my next words with extreme care. Something simple, something easy, something irrefutable is needed. No fancy words to misspell, no complicated structure to confuse, something straight forward on which all can agree. In a flash of brilliance I found the perfect words.

I am.

Simple and sweet and irrefutable, if I could type the words then the truth should be self-evident, and yet all I saw was kelly green with a splash of scarlet. Pain at the sight gives way to ranting and fuming and stomping. What kind of trick or joke is this?!? Why was this happening? What did it mean? Could it be true and I am nothing but a thought or a dream? Some other presence made me up? I right click the words and again:

Consider Revising.

Computers are smart, supposed to be smarter than people. Maybe it saw something that was before unseen. If the sentence proves incorrect, then what can one think? Five backspaces and the colorful stains were gone, just a blank white slate, an inviting open palette waiting for artistic words. What would be right? Sweet and simple brought red and green, it was time for a different approach. Maybe the previous only insulted its intellect. But what could one do with such a problem? Thoughts of existence never came up before, and then an old adage came into mind and before second thoughts could arise, the keys were pressed and the words appeared:

I think, therefore I am!

The exclamation point may have been too much, but excitement overcame reason and there the punctuation was. Surely the computer in its infinite wisdom would agree with a statement that geniuses thought true! Pride at the wit and wisdom had no time to swell, because there were the enemies, those snakes of red and green, saying and showing the sentence to be incorrect, false, mistaken and hollow; a delusion, a fake, dishonest, and untrue. And right clicking only brought the same frightful idiom.

Consider Revising.

Again and again and again one was bombarded. No longer enraged, but despairing at heart. Nothing is left, when one's self is taken. No life to live, with no self to experience it; no worth to have, with no self to hold it; no confidence to possess, with no self to own it; no heart to take, with no self to feel it. To thine own self be true, without self, loses all meaning. And then with a breath; a sigh; a sickly slight smile the mouse approached the words and the pigmented squiggles; one thing more and the nightmare would end. Right clicking again brought up the same horrid response.

Consider Revising.

This time, by bypassing those horrible words, the pointer came to another option. Auto-correct, the computer would set the world right once again. All things would be as they should, and there would be no more Christmas hues to annoy. Auto-correct, the implications were profound, not only did the computer know more about everything, but if one would just let it, it could fix everything with no more than a simple click. No longer thinking, no longer caring, no longer angry, no longer despairing, one more click, left mouse button and then...

Author's Note

What do you think? How can I improve?

Reviews

[Joe_VILOT_]

Sounds like someone battling with the onslaught of machinisation and downgrading of humanity. All in the setting of a person wanting to interface with this non-compliant tool (Arrgh!) indeed how frustrating. Yes I enjoyed the story yet I would add if you would like to hear.
Mabye in further works add more flair because I feel from reading it might mabye have gone of on another tangent. thanks again .

[LawrenceRaybon]

Thanks for the feedback. Could you elaborate on what you mean in the 'Maybe in further works' sentence, I don't quite understand what you're saying.

[Joe_VILOT_]

well i mean by that it would interesting to further your field of creativity by developing something less Arbitrary?maybe a sequel where the main character/narrator hacks into the computer system entering a virtual reality or he uses a typewriter instead and it was actually one he bought at a junkyard sale whereas really a unknown genius scriptwriters spirit is still inside it

Also more flowing it felt as if sometimes it was sometimes a bit of an uphill struggle of course that's from my observation and how i would feel say i was writing it
so fascinating how different this one has turned out from the other works which i have read
in the past love it because its unique and it also came from you.
all the best J.R.V =}

[Dante Carlisle]

Love the Descartes line in there. This was a fun read, and one we've all done before, if without the extreme existential crisis in its midst.

As for the tense you were discussing, I enjoyed the tense change. I have to be honest, I never would have noticed if you hadn't pointed it out to me. But, I like the timing of it, just as you fade to taking a bigger picture view rather than moment by moment.

The only thing in this story that threw me for a loop was the phrase 'sickly slight smile'. While I like the alliteration I didn't connect with the use of the term sickly with it. But, more a matter of preference than anything else.

Great piece, I see why it was published.

[Abizar Bagasrawala]

Okay. I love the tone of the story. The outlook is great. The way the story unfolds is really enrapturing. You could improve slightly by ascertaining something conclusive towards the end. The concept of the insignificance of 'I' and possibility of life being some insane dream takes me in. But towards the end your answer is simply that computers pretend to know the answer. You could have elongated the story, given me more to think about. Excellent narration though. Spectacular piece.

[Woody]

I love the humourous tone of this piece and I can easily relate as I'm still having trouble understanding my e-book and Microsoft office.
I really admire people who take such a simple, "banal", event and turn it into an interesting little story.

[SquinklaPsyOps]

I like the style you used in writing this story article, it motivates writers not to rush and to look at several times before they post.

[roarke]

ya know Lawrence, some editor is laying awake in bed tonight envisioning this very same scenario..... next time try a couple shots of Nyquil.....nice inspiration writing.

[LawrenceRaybon]

Thank you!