Twilight Moment

A very short short story

A soft spring shower hides my tears as they join the puddles illuminated by the intense freeway lights.  My car idles nearby, parked in the gravel and mud of the long neglected shoulder.  The sad country melody still playing on the radio, punctuated by the rain drops and occasional whoosh of passing cars, makes this twilight moment feel surreal. 

  Overwhelmed, I cry my pain and scream my rage up at the bruised clouds looming overhead.  An inarticulate release of unfathomable feelings.  Only silence answers.

My father is dead and I am free.  

My dad is gone and I am lost. 

Author's Note

It's 100 words exactly and was written for a 100 word story contest. How did I do?

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

Pretty darned good, I'd say. I don't know if there's any real life in it or not, but it seems there might be. Moments after my father died, I felt a very strange loneliness, and the thought came to me, "When the sun rises in the morning, it will be the first time in 91 years that it didn't shine on Claude Dickens."

[Riss Ryker]

You did fantastic! I loved the imagery in this piece, especially " bruised clouds looming overhead". Perfect analogy that just went so well with the feeling you were portraying. Powerful piece in so few words!

[Barbara Walker]

I love your word choices in this piece. A great description of place and the last two lines speak volumes! Going in my favorites!

[Linda Moon]

The movement of sounds casting down upon one's heart; the wetness of circulating water from mother earth and the writer... I am drawn in emotionally by all senses. Powerful write, Lawrence. Thank you for sharing~*

[deepika]

wow.. its simply amazing. very captivating

[DaughterNature]

Wow, the ending is quite powerful. The first two paragraphs have some strong moments (country music, idling car, "bruised clouds"), but also some weak moments ("I cry my pain and scream my rage"). Remember that when you're only using 100 words, every one needs to count!

[Jaeger]

Really well done. It's impressive to me the amount of emotion you have in only 100 words without any prior character development. I know nothing about the main character, except that he's a car and lost his father, but I still found myself caring.

[Dickey Harrold]

Very compact. It's a very good and well written story.

[Sara R.]

Wow - the scene that you created with minimal words is amazing. I really liked that you had different emotions/feelings/roles for "father" and "dad". Fantastic short story!

[nseddy]

This is wonderful. Its amazing what can be done with just 100 words!