Father's Fear

A somewhat melancholy poem with which any parent can probably relate.

I hold her close

so small 

so soft

so still

asleep

My heart swells

with love

with pride

with pain

i weep

For her, I swear

to guard

to guide

to grow

so deep

But that promise

I try

I fear

I fail

to keep

Author's Note

I wrote this at one a.m. after rocking my daughter to sleep when she woke up for the third time from a nightmare. Not an excuse, just some info. It came to me while rocking her. What did you think? How can I improve it?

Reviews

[C. Rose]

the ABBBC pattern startled me at first, but I got into the rhythm of it by the end and "I try I fear I fail to keep" flowed great.

typo lower case i for i weep

wasn't sure of the meaning for "so steep"
"still" made me concerned the baby was dead.

Overall great image and rhythm.

[LawrenceRaybon]

Thank you for the constructive criticism. The 'so steep' was more or less a place holder. It was meant as if the growing was steep as if the growth I was demanding of myself was almost too much, but it never really worked for me. The other thing I was considering was 'too deep' but it requires a rejiggering of the whole stanza and I guess I was being lazy.

I'll futz with it and see what I can come up with.

Thanks again!

[Gee]

Short enough to keep my interest, am with the previous reviewer regarding steep and think that the last verse, as the child is still a baby, should be you fearing that you will not be able to keep your promise and not that you have already failed ( if that makes sense )

[LawrenceRaybon]

Thank you for the constructive criticism!

Yes, I'm going to try to fix the 'to steep', just trying to figure out how to do it! It wasn't satisfying to me either, but I was having trouble thinking of anything else.

As far as the failing to keep the promise, as a father there are already ways I feel like I'm failing. EV fell and cracked her head on the fireplace a few days before I wrote this. I'm a stay at home dad with a two part time jobs and I wish I could be a better provider. Just two examples of feeling like a failure as a father.

I was trying to catch the sense that being the perfect father or parent is impossible, but we still try for the sake of the beautiful tiny bundle of joys. But setting the standards so high for ourselves means we can't help but fail, even if it's only in small ways. It's something I wasn't expecting as a dad.