The Nightmare

The Nightmare

Saturday, September 15 2018

I learned at a very young age that this world is a very dark place and no matter how many candles and flashlights you have, it will never help. Sometimes you can't run from everything no matter how hard you try. This world is filled with nightmares dressed in a rosecolor filter. You're told fairytales at a young age, but even those fairytales use to be dark, and one person came along and changed them to because this beautiful thing, when they never were. The orginial fairytales taught you about life and reality, how difficult and horrible this world is.... but it also taught how to overcome and accomplish those nightmares. What I am about to write, is something that I see almost every night now, it use to be every night but I learned to live along side it instead of trying to hide from it... However I wish upon every star at night to wipe the memory from my mind, but it'll always be there...

~The Beginning~

I thought that I was fully awake, but I guess I wasn't because when I reached out to turn the light switch on, it wasn't there. Soon my eyes adjusted to the darkness and I wasn't actually in my bedroom anymore, I was standing in the middle of mirrors staring back at me, each with different dates painted on them... significant dates, heartbreaking but yet happy times. I stood there is silence as one of the mirrors got brighter and there in the reflection on the mirror is me at the age of 9. The younger me smiled and waved her hand at me, told me to come with her, that she wanted to show me something.... I shrugged and took a step, taking the hand that now appeared reaching through the mirror.. with a quick motion, I was now standing there watching my younger self as if I was watching a movie... they couldn't see me or hear me, but I could see and hear them. 

There I was sitting on a railing talking to my friend Matthew about all the things that we wanted to do after school finished in a couple of weeks.... and that's when he pulls up in this two door blue car and slowly gets out. I'm not going to lie watching my younger selfs body language shift hurt so much, I was so off putting and mad at him that I didn't even tell him hi, I just ran inside and told mom he was here. I went back outside and he smiled at me and said "Hey babygirl, how are you doing, daddy loves you." I looked at him and shrugged looking past him into the car, "What's in the styrofoam cup?" and looked back and grabbed it. "It's mountain dew, I'm not going to drink as much anymore." I smirked and called him a liar so he showed me what was in the cup... I didn't believe him nor did I trust him, and he knew that... 

While mom and dad talked, I stared with dead emotionless eyes, why was I so mad at him, what made me so angry with my father. He loved us and I just stood there glaring at him, ignoring every I love you that he said with a cold shoulder. If only the younger me knew what was in store for us, maybe just maybe she would have said I love you too instead of shrugging him off and saying yeah okay, i don't believe you and walking away. 

I stood there watching my younger self walk away from my father, I shout to him that I love him, but he doesn't hear me, he just watches with sad eyes as she walks away from him... she had hurt him and she didn't know, she didn't at the moment understand at all just how much he cared and loved us. I closed my eyes, fell to my knees and screamed to myself to wake up, just wake up... 

~ He Never Showed Up... Another Broken Promise~