An Angel Crawls

I finally wrote something new. Thought I'd do an angel poem since there are several on here tonight. :)

An Angel Crawls

 

 

Lightning shatters serenity, once upon a tranquil moment,

As the vanity of pride capitulates its proponent.

Chastised and cast down by a boastful denouncement.

Now feathers, charred, scrape across this turbulent sand.

The desert inferno burning both knees and hands.

Burdened now by gravity, it finds itself unable to stand.

It cries out against such an unfamiliar sensation.

Pain and agony, the birth of its humanization.

Lost and left destitute, its soul consolation.

Breath comes thickened and demonically laborious,

A suffocation felt languishly slow and dangerous.

A birthing rite torturous and so insidious.

It slams its fragile, bloody fist against the grains

And chokes out "Father, I want to fly again!",

But Nothing listens as it crawls on in vain.

 

 

Legion

20July08

Author's Note

Not able to check for spelling errors right now. Not in my usual place. Let me know if you see any.

Reviews

[Helen Woodward]

Perfect!!! I tried to fault it but couldn't (kidding) You are a writer my friend in every sense of the word. You have written this eloquently and with much emotion. You poured your heart onto the page. It reminded me of Nick Cage's movie "City of Angels" very moving. A perfect example of wanting what you can't have because it will do you in. You take your reader to a higher level of thinking...Sublime!!!
I am featuring this on my profile and sending it on to Phill.
Kudos, with deep respect for a wonderful piece of literature that brought out emotion in this heart...
Thank you.
Helen...

[Kaara]

oh brilliant! I've always thought hearing the story from the angel's point of view would be fascinating, and your words provide a glimpse into that unholy birthing process that the Fall would have started. Nicely done.

[Legion]

Schoon, puur en excellentie!!!! LEGIOEN!

So that was my Dutch first thought, to you.
What ofc. means: " Clean, pure and excellence!! LEGION!"
Such a marvelous piece, yes, now I see the equallity
I think yours is brilliant too, omg...

One I shall and can read over and over again, and interpret
Each sentence every time different, poetry to my heart...
Loved it!

E.L.

[Legion]

Glad you liked it. I would say that in Dutch, but I only know pig latin. ;)

I like all what is explaind in "pig" anyhow, it's my word, I use always, as I say "pig English" however I'm in love with it... hate-love you know :P
pig-latin is awesome, pig-greek too, I'm such a lover of our mother languages... so try me :D nice work dear poet.

[Legion]

Thank you. :) I must find myself the sandman for now. The wee hours come to soon and I have to awake 'er break of day. Good night.

Yep me too... going to count some lovely pigs, instead of sheeps... this time :) have a good day tomorrow :)

[Legion]

You too. ;)

[HighBrowCulture]

this blows. i feel like im reading a terrible version of the white chapel of cologne in words all snug, snappy, and syruped inside the same boquet as a sophmore in highschools attempting to combine all 10 vocabulary words from lesson 9 in a single poem. The fact that your first review mentions Nicholas Cage and 'City of Angels' hahahahahhahaha and Helen whatever's last word is Sublime.... WTF. hahahha guess idiots ban together. I give you props though. If you made it this far to the end of my review your prob part of that crowd in 1st grade that mumbled words and bones whatever haha.

[...]

... oh wow ... brutal but beautiful poetry ... "once upon a tranquil moment" is stunning ... unforgettable ... "boastful denouncement" ... amazing ... and these two lines ...

It cries out against such an unfamiliar sensation.
Pain and agony, the birth of its humanization.

... are just out of this world brilliant ... and the last three lines again ... are just amazingly excruciating but exquisite poetry ... i cannot thank you enough for sharing this ...

most of it they do not hear
in the din of a jarring fear
with broken wings, without worth
they yell about humanity on earth

... please accept my humble ode to your awesome poem ...

[Sean M. Addams]

the imagery was great in this thought this was well done and very creative... nice job on this!!!!!

[Fairy Tales]

that was a very nice poem, i hope one day i will be as imaginative as you.

[Anatar]

Its inconsistent as it begins heedless of rhyme but occasionally does, unsteadily. Ideas and terminology are fresh, and rhythm is tight as a drum. I won't praise on the level of the almighty "featured review", but i will to my own extent. I liked it, no need for spelling that I caught.

[Michael X]

Wow! gave me chills immediately, and what a vision to behold, you captured the reciprocating rhythm with masterpiece effect and left the reader gasping in the wake of the meaning, the actaul wording and nature
of the cause is a marvel to behold imo, I found my own thoughts floating in the cause, as I'm sure many have,
the fallen angel scraping along, lost and without love, truly inspiring piece my friend.
thank you very much for sharing this.

[Angelic Darkness]

Great write. Raw images. Even some of the Light aren't always perfect.
This is a great write. I love thy twisted mind;).

AD

[Freder Fredersen (aka G..]

I love this! Word pictures and deep driven implications abound! I felt like it all rolled out on a big screen before me. Well done!

FF