When the Gates

When the Gates

A Poem by Leigh Green

When they open the gates
And there is the drop
I will be beside you
Until my heart decides to stop

When we are royal
Riding golden on high
I will keep it like that
Until the riches fade and die

If words cause you rally
And you are risen up
I will keep looking ahead
Until we drink from the bitter cup

Can you believe
What they have done?
A blink of the eye
And our race is run

When the gates are open
And we face the hail
I will be there
I will not fail

Are you lifted?
Has it got you inside?
Don’t worry about death
Enjoy the ride

© 2017 Leigh Green

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I like this piece but I have to agree with some of the other comments. You have a good rallying poem but you can make it more powerful. I feel you let the emotion die a bit by the end of the poem when it should be the peak of your excitement. I see a great poem here with a little bit of editing. I love the idea and I would love to see the fully realized product.

Posted 3 Weeks Ago

Leigh Green

2 Weeks Ago

Thanks Eddie, do you think I have held back? If so I wasn’t aware of it
Although the reason for this piece is apparent, I was a bit disappointed at what was held back. There was a cause for reserve, of course, but the reader cares. If this is a poem written from the writer for the writer and too emotional or personal to actually place specifics on the page, that is fine, but I wanted the more... what the lines did not include, maybe not explanation, but at least elaboration. Don't tease... truly bring us into your sphere :) I.I.

Posted 4 Months Ago

This has such a powerful current, left me deeply thoughtful. The defiance within this as well as the understanding and conviction both blend beautifully, good to read you today hon :)

Posted 4 Months Ago

So much emotion and drama in such a gently voiced poem - so many thoughts, actions hinted at - perhaps one has to decipher the scene. Beautifully sad, gently powerful.

Posted 4 Months Ago

It feels a tad disjointed especially the last stanza which takes away from the solemnity - the 'band of brothers feel' of the whole. It could however depict the fog of war and the racing thoughts of those who are about to die in that respect.
Overall the brotherly message is strong.

Posted 4 Months Ago

This is great perfectly written. Can picture them busting through the gates to take on their opponents head on, back to back on the battlefield.

Posted 5 Months Ago

0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Powerful use of words and thoughts. Some situation must be lived to understand. This is one of them. Thank you Leigh for sharing the amazing poetry.

Posted 5 Months Ago

This is very inspirational and needs to be shouted openly.thank you for writing this

Posted 5 Months Ago

Great job! Uniquely written!!

Posted 5 Months Ago

Leigh Green

4 Months Ago

Thank-you, I really appreciate it
I especially liked the last stanza. I strong message. Well done.

Posted 5 Months Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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19 Reviews
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 1, 2017
Last Updated on November 10, 2017
Tags: faith, United, rally, poem, poetry, race, death, riches, peace, together


Leigh Green
Leigh Green

Bristol, United Kingdom

Self-published ebooks and Books Winter Spirits This Green Earth Runner more..


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