A Mermaid In Love

Fell in love with water....

A mermaid in love

 

Tonight I’m blue

Floating on the cold water of a lonely lake

Whose bed is thick with seaweed

But the water is crystal clear.

 

The coldness hurts my veins

But soothes my pulse

Goldfishes kiss

My bloodless cheeks

And hums a sweet lullaby.

 

Soft inaudible footsteps break my solitude

Pale bare feet against wet coarse earth

I feel ripples against my naked frame

And hear a soft splash.

 

I sigh as you pull me close

My poor goldfishes ran away

Scared by your toughness

They are delicate

So am I.

 

But no one understands my softness

The way you do

So I let you feel my beloved coldness

And welcome you into my humble abode

I let you feel my frozen pulse

 

And I give you

My everything.

 

 

 

 

Author's Note

So whatcha think?

Reviews

[Leigh]

I felt the waters coldness and depth, you have relayed something quite different and made it understandable and acceptable, that's quite a feat of writing. Liked the atmosphere this one created

[smilempsn]

Thatz an interesting and nicely penned piece :)

[Poussiere D'Ange]

Thanks so much for your review:-):-):-D.

[smilempsn]

You are most welcome :)

[Pax]

such beautiful poem, i felt the loneliness it portray....
so delicate and dreamy...
great concept...

[Poussiere D'Ange]

Thanks a bunch buddy:-):-):-D.

[Onku Ghosh]

A beautiful poem of a mermaid being in love with the waters of the lake.Such a lovely thought and a charmng write.

[Poussiere D'Ange]

Thank you so much ma'am for those words:-):-):-D.

[Nick.B]

Interesting poem with a great story attached to it, that feeling of loneliness and the coldness...great job

[SquinklaPsyOps]

Nice work, from the poem
"The coldness hurts my veins
But soothes my pulse
Goldfishes kiss
My bloodless cheeks
And hums a sweet lullaby."

sounds like they tried to put the character in the poem to sleep.

And then
"And I give you
My everything."
the character from the poem submitted its life to another person.

Very interesting writing style, unique must say.

[Poussiere D'Ange]

Thank you so much:-). It means a lot:-):-):-D.

[KeeD]

A lonely lake, bed thick with seaweed but the water clear, just the starting stanza painting such a vivid picture in my head and there is meaning behind that description too. I can relate it to my life at the moment, That lonely feeling of being in your twenties but unsure about anything and everything including career options, relationships or true friends. The Sea weed the countless obstacles that just wait to cradle you and the clear water that is the spirit to which you can motivate yourself to carry forward and onward to achieve a happy life.
The next stanza is so refreshing, like waking up in the morning and washing your face in the sink with a bowl full of love. I would sail day and night through the seven sea's to meet this mermaid you've created, almost like a dream. I would listen to this siren sing me her song, In her charm I would fall deeper and deeper into the deepest of oceans. until I realize i've given her my everything as well. This was beautiful, you make that mystical mysterious love come to life in this piece. Sorry this review was so long^

[Poussiere D'Ange]

This is the best review i have gotten in a long time. It sort of made my day. That is exactly what i wanted my mermaid to do and I am glad you could relate and could find the deeper meaning that lay inside. Thanks a lot for this review and also for the friend request:-):-):-D.

[Dr. Wood ?]

dreamy AND a little scary..You have one and present tense issue going on though..it should be goldfishes RUN away..and seaweed would not grow in a freshwater lake....Pond weed does though./....Iam sorry for being so picky..but all in all yes..I loved it

[Poussiere D'Ange]

No thats ok...its all about learning. Thank you for reviewing:-):-D.

[eglantine]

*Goldfish
*hum

First off, anything to do with the lake or mermaids I love. It starts off strong but then withers as it goes on... the ending was just kind of limp compared to the powerful beginning. Try to vamp it up? Keep going with those descriptions! Thanks for sharing.

[Poussiere D'Ange]

Thanks eglantine...ill try that:-):-):-D.

[LaVonneTheLovely]

I love the feeling this poem gives. sensational.

[Poussiere D'Ange]

Thank you so much!!:-):-):-D.

[LaVonneTheLovely]

You're Very Welcome!