Vest of Stars

Vest of Stars

A Poem by Levioshock

Wouldn't it be nice to start over?
To go to the fields of clover?
Running through it in my mind
Thinking of it all the time
I wish it were that easy
To go where times were breezy

All I can do is persevere
It's not like there is failure to fear
The black clouds are always there
No point in dreading despair 
Every day I display my scars
Like putting on a vest of scars

Life only goes through the motions
Just like crashing waves in the oceans
Go with the ebb and flow
You can only do those things you know
Time and space are infinite
All you can do is deal with it

© 2011 Levioshock


Author's Note

Levioshock
Wrote this in a few minutes. Tell me what you think

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Featured Review

This isn't that dark, really. But a good splash for only writing in a few minutes. :)
Trudging through life is miserable, do overs would be great, vitamin E oil can help scars fade (= bruises remain till our body heals, but life lessons stay forever. I love how you described hopelessness, then twinged in a bit of hope that things may change. Only a few mins huh?...wow :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

i like this. ive had this frame of mind, so i can relate. Its like being in a very familiar place, nothing new, nothing bad, but monotonous just the same. Sometimes we need change. love it!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Wow, the flow has such elegance and smoothness. Some parts feel raw, but it's certainly captivating. I'm sure you can create this more flawless, but still, the essence of this piece is quite spectacular!

Interested for more reads :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


Clicked your profile and noticed that it's closed... idk if you either gave up and headed off somewhere else, or you closed it for privacy reasons... either way, it is kinda bad business to be kinda closed circuit, but that's just personal recommendations... personally I look upon every reviewer and the fellow community as sorta a "boss" as you would in a normal work environment. anywho, that's all just babble :p no worries

I see lots of potential out of this poem. There's definitely an awesome writer in the works here. Fairly basic rhyme scheme going on but used in a very effective way ^_^ it's nice to see someone with such appreciation for the more simple things and use it within their techniques. It seems also that you have a great sense of beat/rhythm which is quite essential in poetry and great to see within a poet's work. Great job also for something that you possibly wrote off the top of your head (considering it only took minutes to work on), which also means you have a great sense of concentration, which is also a very much needed and useful technique to have when writing.
Personally, when I try to decipher this poem and interpret it, my take at the meaning and theme is that it's about times during a past life that seemed like bliss and simple, possibly childhood, and that as we grow we encounter troubles and that truly we do not have any specific destination (destiny), that we kinda roll along like rocks down a mountain side... A very abstract concept I say, but fairly meaningful ^_^
Now, a little bit of criticism... word choice is a bit on the "needs work" side I'll say, it's one thing fairly noticeable when going throughout the poem (specifically last line of stanza 1). Also, there was a bit of forced beat/rhythm sometimes in lines, specifically line 2 where the article "the" in front of the word "fields" is not needed. There's also very small grammatical errors that are only really noticeable when the poem is read throughout. Feel free to message me for any questions or if further explanations or help on anything is wanted.
Overall, really enjoyed this one so gunna have to give it a 95/100... good work, and keep it up bro ;) definitely see you getting good at this kinda stuff in no time soon.


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I'm not sure if this is intentional, but the title is "Vest of Stars", but your phrase that you use in the poem is "Vest of Scars".

I think it expresses our regrets very well, and it's something that happens to everyone and everything. I like the references to nature, because that creates a concrete image in our mind and especially your titular image a vest of scars. I think it's a poem that anyone can identify with, and it speaks to something within me as well.

The rhyming was good, but I also felt that it made the poem sound just a bit trivial. Other than that, I have no complaints.

Posted 7 Years Ago


This is so good!
(If I tried to write something in a few minutes, I couldn't come up with ANYTHING.)

Posted 7 Years Ago


This is amazing for only being written in a few minutes and I wish there were such things as do overs:)

Posted 7 Years Ago


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I like this. I can relate so well. Good job!

Posted 7 Years Ago


It roams about on the verge of being a dark poem, but its not. From what I inferred, it says that everyone has their share of "scars" in the world, but we simply have to deal with it and move one. There's a bit of wishful thinking as well, probably of the cherished past. Nicely done.

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This isn't that dark, really. But a good splash for only writing in a few minutes. :)
Trudging through life is miserable, do overs would be great, vitamin E oil can help scars fade (= bruises remain till our body heals, but life lessons stay forever. I love how you described hopelessness, then twinged in a bit of hope that things may change. Only a few mins huh?...wow :)

Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

It would be really nice! Haha. But I guess there's no point fussing about our past. It is a part of us and it is the reason why we are who we are right now. Life goes on and we just have to dance to its rhythm. Anyway, is it supposed to be "like putting on a vest of stars"? Just checking. Really great write. Keep it up. ;)

Posted 7 Years Ago



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Added on November 15, 2011
Last Updated on November 15, 2011

Author

Levioshock
Levioshock

Copley, OH



About
My writing is dark. I don't know why, it's just what comes out of me. I love writing and I love reviewing writing so give me all you can. If you want to get to know me, hit me up on facebook :) more..

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