To look

Of a girl who is stuck in dream land

There was a woman named Percillia who preferred her state of daydreaming over any real company even ignored her mother when she spoke to her. Percillia was a woman of nineteen who was very graceful and had a stern face which her blonde hair was always on her brow in wisp she only daydreamed never spoke to anyone because who could truely take a philophser out of a state of thinking on day a man appeared and the mother treys to ask his business at the cabin but he only walked by her into the house to the small room of Percillia and asked you have been thinking of me Percillia looked at the man he was only a inch taller than she and had brown wavy hair down to his earlobe but had a scar on his face from his right eye to his upper lip she laughed a cruel laugh and spoke no I have been thinking of rain and the man asked then why did your mother let me walk in here the woman smiled for my mother wants me to be married and she must of thought you as my lover and thee man starred so you have thought of me ? The woman said no but why did you come The man smiled because I see you look out the window everyday and had to the girl who glances from the window to see if it was me she was looking for Percillia said no I was only thinking of robins and rain the man stood there and said will you marry me because you truely are a woman of thought and I would have no other Percillia laughed and said for I am already married the man starred and gave a look of confusion to whom he asked Percillia smiled and said the king of dreamland and he is not keen to sharing his children and wives now leave for you are not worthy of my mind only the king of dreamland is worthy of what I think.

Reviews

[C. Rose]

Nice concept.

More showing: Instead of telling me that Percillia is a daydreamer, describe how her mother is talking about marriage and Percillia stares out the window unresponsive.
Format Dialogue: This will be easier for the reader to follow if when a character speaks you use quotation marks and begin a new line.
Set the scene: Describe more than Percillia and the man. Describe the house, the mother, the room, what is outside Percillia's window.
Grammar: A few little things like missing periods and stared not starred.

I like the unique premise.
I look forward to reviewing this again if you make changes.
Welcome to Constructive Crititcs!

[Kamari's]

I will redo this one for When I submitted i knew it was not as good as it could be and I appreciate the critics views I am glad to be in the group