Complacent Intimacy

I traveled through the land of barren promise,

Expected to live with no one to notice.

Enticed by a life of no devotion,

nitpicked society, then denied to be included.

Devoid of optional interaction,

nullified perception of given situation.

Numbered the days to end my deception,

I find myself trapped within the mind of deluded.

I stripped my mask to show my complexion,

a goddess gave notice and filled me with affection.

I diverted my path away from the plenty,

to satisfy my yearning to grant our desire.

Though the future I hold is of uncertainty,

my lecherous mind assumed great sovereignty.

A sudden affliction to bring home the bounty

has performed a riff that she more than so require.

The warmth that I shared with the goddess so dainty,

it vanished in air with so little warranty.

We separated paths without a promise,

my being so faint, she barely took notice.

Reviews

[BeeBev]

Loved the way this poem seems so effortless, the words seem to bounce into a fast - paced rhythm, almost song - like. Such interesting words great work!

[Leviathus Fortes]

I stripped my mask to show complexion
a goddess gave notice and filled me with affection

Love those lines...

[Leviathus Fortes]

I found this piece to be quite interesting.

[Ngoc M. Nguyen]

Very clever and intricate structure; I like the way you end the poem tightly and neatly by repeating the end-rhymes in the final couplet; however, the poem's rhythm is compromised by the use of too many syllables in the end-rhymes in the other lines, which causes a top-heavy effect in sound and aesthetic sensibility (end-rhymes with two or fewer syllables are best); also, having lines using fewer feet would be good--this would pare down any wordiness. What you have is the skeleton of a potentially good poem with some rough edges to it that need further trimming and refinement. Thanks for sharing this poem with me.

[Coyote Poetry]

Love comes and goes.
"A sudden affliction to bring home the bounty
has performed a riff that she more than so require.
The warmth that I shared with the goddess so dainty,
it vanished in air with so little warranty."
The above lines are true. No warranty with love. Thank you fro sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote