Mechanical

Mechanical

A Poem by RachelReaper
"

Song I wrote... only the second one, ever.

"

Mechanical

His eyes are cameras

Snapping photos you don't want

Them to take

One loose bolt

He's on the edge

And he's going to break

 

He's the

Coldest and Calculating

Critically evaluating

Robotically cruel

Excuse for a man

I've ever seen

 

He's mechanical

A mechanical heart

And absence of soul

No real mind of his own

Run by a machine for a brain

While slowly going insane

How did I mistake

Pure intentions and strength

For mechanical

 

Well you know you've got

Broken wings and a half-hearted smile

But I've known this for a while

Oh God how did I not believe

What was staring down at me

So obviously

Am I so blind not to see

 

He's mechanical

A mechanical heart

And absence of soul

No real mind of his own

Run by a machine for a brain

While slowly going insane

How did I mistake

Pure intentions and strength

For mechanical

 

Because

He's the

Coldest and Calculating

Critically evaluating

Robotically cruel

Excuse for a man

I've ever seen

 

He's mechanical

A mechanical heart

And absence of soul

No real mind of his own

Run by a machine for a brain

While slowly going insane

How did I mistake

Pure intentions and strength

For mechanical

 

© 2012 RachelReaper


Author's Note

RachelReaper
hey, so I wrote a song, this was just something I wrote kind of quick, but please review because I still want your honest opinion on what you think of it. :) Also, the beat of this song is what keeps it together, the rhythm is kind of jumpy, you know what kind of thing I'm talking about?

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Reviews

This is a good song, it's a good try, i say if you continue writing songs and maybe practice finding the melody, it'll be a good song. Your very creative, and enthusastic writer.

Posted 6 Years Ago


RachelReaper

6 Years Ago

well, I'm not exactly a song writer, its just that this one came to me out of the blue so I thought .. read more
I don't normally enjoy reading songs, but I could definitely hear this one. There a few words I probably would have changed, like the repetition of "mechanical" in the chorus, but they grew on me by the end so I'm not quite sure what my brain is doing. I kind of do know what you mean by "jumpy" rhythm, and it's definitely the feel I got. Nice write/composition! :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


RachelReaper

6 Years Ago

well thank you so much :)
A beautiful write. I am interested in the tune and tempo in which the song would be played, though. I believe it is interesting to mention that it is a song, because with no music, the reader is left to come up with their own tempo and tune, which I like.

Posted 6 Years Ago


RachelReaper

6 Years Ago

yeah, its kind of a song I would image with a kind of off-beat tune, but when i post it without the .. read more
Ethale Captor

6 Years Ago

Creative and different, I like it.
i just read it n i realized that this is a song..
this is very good, great job!
i am very like this :)

Posted 6 Years Ago


RachelReaper

6 Years Ago

:D
Congrats on your win great song!

Posted 6 Years Ago


It's a very good song, a bit jumpy in some parts but really good considering you just put it together with not much thought, very good you have lots of talent. It is very dark and chilling with good description.

Posted 6 Years Ago


Wow, dark and chilling. This was one marvelous read!!

Posted 6 Years Ago


Fer sure! Some of the best work is written without much conscious thought, and I think this is definitely one of those pieces. The rhythm is very jumpy, but it keep the poem interesting =]

Posted 6 Years Ago


For some reason this makes me thing of my friend's ex-boyfriend...not sure why ahaha, I don't think he was this bad, but anyway, I love this poem. It tells how cruel some guys can be. One of the reasons I'm afraid to date and get into a serious relationship. Am I straying off topic...? I don't know, sorry ^.^ I like this very much though, I'd love to hear what the beat and rhythm was that you were thinking as you wrote this. It's very good for just a quick right. Thanks for sharing!

Posted 6 Years Ago


That was a great song. I loved it.

Posted 6 Years Ago


RachelReaper

6 Years Ago

thanx

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Added on October 10, 2012
Last Updated on October 10, 2012

Author

RachelReaper
RachelReaper

About
Hey!!!!! My name is Rachel, and my unofficial last name is Reaper. I am 14 years old. Blood and kisses to all who review my work, I appreciate it so much and couldn't express to you how much it means .. more..

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