Your soul

Your soul so beautiful 

it's filling me with life

Your lips tightly pressed against mine 

makes me want to fly

Your body, sleeping next to mine

makes the despair within me die

If you care about me

 can you show it to me?

If you want to say something 

Can you say it to me?

I'm patiently waiting here

right by your side 

What are those emotions

You keep caged inside?

Now

Can you please say some sweet nothingness to me?

Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you love me?

Are my feelings weighing you down?

Help me, please help me 

Burn those feelings down to the ground 

Burn them 

And take my hand  

Fly away with me 

To that foreign land

All we need is each other 

We can make our dreams turn into reality 

In that land 

The land of none-existence

-

I can feel it 

Feel how thousands of heartbeats pass

With you laying silently next to me 

But I know 

I know you need those beats

 to beat for me 

You want me to hold onto you 

And listen very carefully 

For those heart beats 

Keep our love alive

Because what I feel for you is strange for me 

What I feel for 

What I feel for you is 

My eyes wishing to see you before I die

Baby, I love you

Do you love me?

Reviews

[John Alexander McFadyen]

A very intense piece as the protagonist gives but is unsure and seeks reassurance as they offer dedication. The piece I feel is a good read but could be shorter. It seems to strain and move between styles, some freeverse, some rhyming and it definately feels as if it is bursting it's own seams with verbage.

[TheSuffering]

Bursting it's own seams??
What do you mean? :o

[John Alexander McFadyen]

You have written too much in order to say something that could be said in half or less the words used. That sort of dilutes a poem. Go read Leslie Philibert or Jacob Erin Cilberto

[TheSuffering]

I've actually have not written for so long, I've only recently discovered that what I write is even poetry so I don't know anything about it yet. Thank you for the tips!

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Hey I am still learning too after years! Take a look at those poets I mentioned and James McFadyen. Those are just for a start. You will learn the art because in the two pieces I have reviewed of yours are gems! It is a caser of learning the art and crafting it so that your thoughts and emotions become paintings.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

beautiful, thanks for entry into my competition, good luck