Seeing Right Through Me

My ex could seriously know what I was thinking 99.9% of the time.

No letters creeping out through the spaces in my teeth.
How do you manage to know what I’m thinking?
My vision is fixed towards you.
Do my thoughts scroll across my eyes?

 

No words spill out of my lips.
How do you manage to know what I’m thinking?
My sight is turned from you.
Do my thoughts float above my head?

 

No sentences pour out my mouth.
How do you manage to know what I’m thinking?
My observation is here and there.
Do my thoughts kiss your ears?

 

My feet drag me away.

How do you manage to know what my actions will be? 
No paragraphs wrap around you, telling you where I’m headed.
Does my shadow stay behind and whisper to you?

 

How can you see right through me?
Am I made of glass?

Author's Note

Hope you enjoyed the reading. Any and all criticism is appreciated. Take Care! Stay Strong! :)

Reviews

[Mason]

The repetition of the first two lines in the first three stanzas kind of threw me off simply because they were reworded each time to be bigger than before. I see the growth from letters to words to sentences, and from teeth to lips to mouth, but I'm still not sure why it's that way to begin with. Perhaps, I'm missing something, but it almost seems unnecessary since you need letters to make words to make sentences, so it kind of take a rhythm away from the reader.
Even so, I liked how the first and second stanzas ended with the final two lines. I felt like those lines had a lot of power and mystery to them.
The ending to the third seemed a bit out of place, which took some of that mystery away that the first two stanzas created.
The fourth stanza was possibly my favorite with the question "Does my shadow stay behind and whisper to you?" but changing the question to "How do you manage to know what my actions will be?" sticks out sorely. Actions can be anything, so you should express the specific action here much like thinking was specific before. "How do you manage to know where I'm going?" would have mimicked the previous question it was replacing more closely and would have set the reader on the right mindset, which took until the end of the next line to correct.
And finally, ending on "Am I made of glass?" was brilliant. I think it really tied the entire picture together. Despite my criticisms, your vision made it through to the reader and that matters more than anything.

This was a very good read, and I enjoyed it. Thank you for submitting.

[Blue Belle]

Thank you for the constructive criticism. I will take these thoughts into consideration when and if I write a new piece in a similar way. I am glad you enjoyed it! :)

[Mason]

Best of luck to you :) I'm glad my review helped

[Rita L. Sev]

There's a lovely,haunting quality to this piece. How DO others know us so well when we think we are keeping ourselves guarded? Your final line - brilliant. Because he knows you so well, you can be easily broken. Great write.

[Blue Belle]

Thanks :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

He's still interested and concerned. That's why he still looks unto you.
A lovely poem. Keep on writing.

[Blue Belle]

Thanks.

[Michael Stevens]

Ah, somebody beat me to 'lovely', but not to fear' beautiful' fits just as well!

[Blue Belle]

:)

[needletail]

Wow! Wow! Wow! Simple and sweet! Again I can easily picture it!

[Blue Belle]

:)

[Vic]

There are just no words. That was lovely :)

[Blue Belle]

Thanks :)