Try Again - 2.

For every single corrupted soul who tries to bash people by lack of purity and integrity.

After the vicious fog and
the devilish frost
That try to keep us blind
Like throwing acid in the eye -
Well, I should warn your pierced
soul:
Here comes the spring
Altogether with the blossom.

After the burning lies
of such a bad intent,
Hell-like flaming heart
I think I should warn you,
my dear hopeless,
corrupted soul:
Here comes the rain
Altogether with the pouring
blessing
that extinguish all kinds of
Burning lies and
pain.

Reviews

[Atael]

You seem unable to spell 'altogether!' Haha. You misspelled both the first and the second.

Other than that, this was pretty good. I liked the way you worded things and how your words were strong throughout the piece. Your comparisons were nice and sturdy, leaving nothing else to be desired for them. And it's almost taunting how you convey your message, like a mockery. I love the mood.

Well-done. 95/100!

[storiestotell]

Good well written poem!

[Midday_Mystery]

A poem like this is a very interesting piece indeed. your symbolism, Devilish foot, Burning Lies... Speaks volumes in the piece and makes it show a sudden awareness to the environment of the poem. Although I did see 2 spelling errors it Still does not take the power and the depth of the piece.... I Love it a 98/100 And a Great Write

[imagination101]

Soild, Awesome write!

[Patches I'm not so new..]

I have to agree with the majority of replies this is a good poem and flows well your message come through clearly. But( and I'm no English expert) you should re read what you post and correct the most glaring errors your writing is lucid but some believe that it could be improved. I'm just going with the flow here
my friend. the rating is for the idea presented not the grammar or puntuation.

[Midnight_Mystery]

i like how you worded this, very nice poem. intrigued since its a series if there will be a try again 3? if so im def. looking forward to reading it. nicely done :)

[S.C.Hahn]

Nicely worded - my only beef comes in the form of grammatical/spelling errors. I know when I am enraged and write through eyes of red.. I mis-spell and utilize incorrect tense of words, but I am always slow to post while being still so angry. Once I have calmed down a bit - I return to give a level headed revision - often times re-sparking the fire and having to leave it again. LoL. Ultimately - great great piece, just a few minor corrections would allow for that bitter sweet fluidity I feel you're going for.

[Coyote Poetry]

I like this poem a lot. Very strong and to the point. No weakness in your words. Just powerful poetry. A very good ending to a excellent poem. When things fall apart. No cure for pain except fire of anger and disappointment.
Coyote

[Stefanie Leona Baylee]

Amazing again... crafted piece as the first... well done!

[Gone]

Stands well on it's own. I like the sentiment.