Borderline Baby- Clip 2: Interrupted

Layla (main character) is hospitalized for a suicide attempt. She is diagnosed with Borderline personality Disorder.

Her body, her corpse was fragile, like the frameworks of an eggshell. Her arms were sticky and scratchy in scabs, stitched over and layered in gauze. She laid in the hospital, the psychiatric ward motionless, almost lifeless, for she had become numb and her heart was so beaten it was stale. Her veins were calloused. Her mind still is flickering though, a rapid flame, remembering her wicked childhood, her teen years of sexual scandals, hushed suicides, blood blistering screams, voices of violence, and persistent paranoia of how sick the world is. At this point she knew love was not for her or written in her book, just in the book of lies. She glances from her small bed, to the mirror and thinks, and see’s multiple people. Her shaky and weary hands hold the small cup of ice and ginger ale, the ice clicking and clacking together as the cup gently shakes from her unsteady grip. Her reflective is twisted and ill. Her greasy hair is mangled like her mind. Her makeup is smeared down to her chin, caked and thick and heavy black mess. She sold her herself for some money, thinking she was giving herself up for some love to another strange man in the neighborhood. Daddy didn’t love her. Her family never accepted her deviance. All she wanted was a gasp of fresh spring air on a lightly rainy day, and a bottle of Vodka to ease out her demons. The nurse drew her blood and the Doctors interviewed her. They knew her. This was her seventeenth time at the psych ward, only sixteen years old. She yelled at them and cried, and they warned her of the tranquilizer needle again. Hate was embedded in her heart, coded in her dirty blood, and hate…hate kills people, kills time, kills life, relationships, and you. When they left, she torn off the crimson stained gauze and picked viciously at her stitches until she saw thoughs little blood beads. She did not successfully rip them out. Madness is ugly, unclean, and unhealthy. And Layla, this girl, was a Borderline baby. 

Reviews

[RAOrourke]

Her greasy hair is mangled like her mind...really good descriptive line.
she torn off the crimson ...she tore off the crimson...tense changed here.
Beautifully written showing the pain and suffering a person goes through with many types of mental illness... the vividness of your piece was outstanding and the pacing reminded me of poetry. Well done!!

[Reina Stone]

All I can say is I f*****g love this and I love your literary style. It's pretty much a story being filled with raw poetry which is what I look for in a story. Usually I can complain a little but I can't here, just keep writing. I'd read.

[LaylaK21]

Thank you so much!! That meant a lot. I am actually writing a book about a young girl with Borderline Personality Disorder. Much of my writing is like this, so I wanted some raw, honest feedback. Thank you.

[Reina Stone]

You're very welcome. Reading over it I see there are some very minor mistakes (repeated words, a misplaced comma, etc) But I am love drunk with the concept. I am interested in being a beta reader to the book if you trust my judgement. So far I like the complexity and I would be more than happy to read it & see where it goes.

[LaylaK21]

I am interested in constructive criticism. What words were repeated too much? I don't mind improvement suggestions.

[Reina Stone]

I can't find it now. I may have accidentally double read one of the lines. Oops. I did notice toward the end you have "thoughs" rather than "those" and also, torn may sound better written "tore" since the writing is in the present tense.