Tired of looking around

 I am losing interest in my surroundings. Where I had the habit of finding constellations, alone in the darkest night skies, sometimes just gazing at them, or counting countless stars till I lose the pattern, I have long lost it. I'd look in disbelief at their beauty, always wished to see them a little closer, curious, if they'd look the same pretty from there. This desire is gone.

 

 Where I'd look at the trees in their beautiful maturity, replete with lush young leaves, waiting for them to shed it all. And when autumn would arrive, I would yearn to whisper to the defoliated trees, that the beauty lies not in your leaves but the color you display, and the natural carvings on your stem, and in your barks that hold on to each other, tightly, be it any season. But leaves leave. And just like that, my sight has left looking for the beauty these trees hide within.

 

 The patterns the clouds form in the deep blue sky; I could capture it a million times, tirelessly. But no more....

 Not that I'm tired of nature....it's something else, something unknown to me.

Reviews

[Sonakshi Arora]

that the beauty lies not in your leaves but the color you display, and the natural carvings on the stem, and in your barks that hold on to each other, tightly, be it any season.

Simply amazing! This was an amazing write!

P.S Leafs should be 'leaves' (I hope you don't mind me telling that) I loved this piece!

[Long Whispers]

Thanks for reading it and loving it. :') Means a lot!
P.s: Haha, what a dumb error I have made! Lol

[Sonakshi Arora]

Haha no issues! Often happens while typing ;)

[richieb]

Long Whispers,
A creative work on learning to look deeper into life than what appears on the surface. A book with a beautiful cover holds out attention for mere minutes but the knowledge of the words on paper may stay with us a lifetime.
Your poem speaks of maturity and wisdom. We can appreciate the visible and the spirit of creation. God has given us both worlds to enjoy.
Blessings,
Richie b.

[Bala Gorthi]

I loved reading this. Sometimes we we go through a phase we quite don't understand well.
A good reflexion.

[Blue Rivermoon]

As much as I loved your words. You put the indetailed description in an amazing way. I believe when you can get tired of looking around in real life situations this is when you need to look around in nature since it hold a way far beauty that can takes you to a different dimension.

[Najam Us Saher]

I am losing interest in my surroundings....yes I am losing it too. You have created a beautiful imagery here by the description of nature. I like how you can find true happiness in nature. That's the reason I love nature too.

[Rynn]

"I am losing interest in my surroundings. Where I had the habit of finding constellations, alone in the darkest night skies, sometimes just gazing at them, or counting countless stars till I lose the pattern, I have long lost it." - This is an incredibly long sentence, but I think it works here. It aids the fluency of it all and the idea you're presenting here. You did well to paint me an image.

"I'd look in disbelief at the beauty of the stars, always wished to see them a little closer, curious, if they'd look the same pretty from there. This desire is gone." - something that I noticed here is that you identify the stars again when saying 'them' would work better (to my ears) because I know who/what you're concentrating on as far as subject goes. I love that you are contemplating whether they would be as pretty up close as they are from afar - it's something most people don't think about but rather, accept that they are without ever knowing for sure.

" Where I'd look at the trees in their beautiful maturity, replete with lush young leaves, waiting for the trees to shed it all." - again here, the repetition of 'trees' sounds strange to my ears and distracts me. I think you could find something else - something more abstract to call them if you want to mention them by name a second time.

"And when the autumn would arrive, I yearned to whisper to the shedding trees, that the beauty lies not in your leaves but the color you display, and the natural carvings on the stem, and in your barks that hold on to each other, tightly, be it any season." - a few grammatical things that I noticed:

I do not think you need a 'the' in front of 'autumn'. It seems like an unnecessary add-on.

I think it would read smoother if you did not use 'shed' twice, maybe find another synonym.

Keep in tense in mind when using verbs.

Past tense with suggested wording:
"And when autumn would arrive, I would yearn to whisper to the scattering trees..."

Present-past tense with suggested wording:
"And when autumn arrived, I yearned to whisper to the scattering trees..."

Beautiful and tragic ideas unfolding here. I find it unfortunately relatable.

"But leaves leave. And just like that, my sight has seized looking for the beauty these trees hide within." - great word play here. Did you mean ceased?

" The patterns the clouds form in the deep blue sky, I could capture it a million times, tirelessly. But no more..
Not that I'm tired of nature...it's something else, something unknown to me." - I would use a semicolon instead of a comma after 'sky'. Another grammar thing I see is that when you use '..' the proper number of dots is four.

Example:

The patterns the clouds form in the deep blue sky; I could capture it a million times, tirelessly. But no more...."

Otherwise, you've got the right idea with the imagery. I would suggest engaging our other senses. What do these patterns taste like? Do they have a sound? Do they have a texture? All good things to consider. I think you've done a great job with sight - now expand your ideas even further. There were some very nice lines here, and well portrayed ideas. Well done. Write on.

-Rynn

[Long Whispers]

Thank you so much for writing me an honest review. All the errors you've highlighted, I'll work on avoiding it. Such reviews help me improve and I need more of it.
Thanks again for giving it your time.
Means a lot!

[Rynn]

Absolutely. I'm glad to give it! You'll be great. :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

I think it's not really tired of looking around which makes one lose interest, but rather the realization that one is dead although the heart beats. That even looking around doesn't help numb the pain you're undergoing so what's the point, except to just embrace it that it's all for naught..

I liked the intensity of your write. Relatable to me. Well penned 👍

[Long Whispers]

Thank you, Yumna! Your words really mean a lot!

[Dr. YumnaKay]

You're welcome! 😊

[Manasa.L]

Every word in your writing is true. I loved it. The lines embraces us with nature and pushes into sleep, where we long to see that again. May be this is why you feel tired of them(I think so).
A true masterpiece writing.
-Manasa

[Long Whispers]

Thank you so much for liking it! :')