Panic

I lose control of my vision and then my heart panics and my lungs shrivel and my ribs collapse. my ears ring and my fingertips tingle and my toes curl then my whole body curls and i'm lying down and i'm hot hot hot in my blood in my face and my heart feels like it's ripped open wide, screaming and my mouth is open wide but there's no sound, except for the pounding in my ears it's silent silent but my brain is swelling. all my cells are bursting with the pressure and there's too much of it in me too much blood and letters form nothing anymore because there's nothing to form. there's nothing to hold on to except my hair so i do and i pull because i need to open my skull. i need to reach inside and through the blood and tissue and needles being hammered into the back of my eyes i need to reach past them and cut the membrane attaching me spine to my mind and make it stop, just for a second i want the universe to unravel before my very eyes and i want it to end, everything to end so i don't have to come back and remember and try not to cry because my mind is unraveling with the tendrils of my nerves leaking out of my ears and my eyes are wet suddenly and they stay wet for a long time until my lungs expand against my broken ribs and i can push down whatever's left of my insanity until it begins to overflow again but the pounding won't stop for a while. i sit up anyway and try to forget but i can't sometimes i can't.

Author's Note

ignore lack of caps and punctuation.