My angel

What will you do without your angel?

My Angel

Born in the valley of the lepers
I pranced over the bodies and cheated death
I kissed and comforted them in their dying moments
Everyday a new cadaver sprung to my feet
I caressed their heads and sung lullabies
I was an angel to them
The only source of comfort
I soon found myself starting to deteriorate
I dreamt of their dancing corpses
Of their bulging sores brimming of suffering and sadness
I held up a smile for them and drank their sadness

On the day of my death they mourned
The world fell silent as their wails pierced the heavens
The silver lining of my vision made their eyes twinkle like stars
I broke and shattered into the sky
The walls risen by man shattered
The earth cracked and crumbled
I became an ocean
And I flooded the valley of lepers
I washed away the sorrow until there was none
I washed their aching skin and cooled their burning hearts
I was their angel
But I was gone...
How would they fare without me?
I would never know...

Author's Note

Criticism? Thoughts?

Reviews

[Saddam]

I broke and shattered into the sky
The walls risen by man shattered
The earth cracked and crumbled
I became an ocean

Exactly you become a ocean which flow in every direction of the world. very nice poetry is this and well crafted dear. Your imagination in above lines are just awsome. I like those much.

[MADAM]

Thank you^^) I enjoyed writing this one, and those lines I liked the most as well. I personally don't think I wrote this one very well, so this is reassuring:3

[Saddam]

you are welcome dear

[Beau Maysey]

I love this- It's beautiful and visually pleasing.
Few grammar fixes- Line 3, 'and', line 24, 'fare'; just to make it even better
I feel this could be elaborated even more in prose, and I'd love to hear more about this incident
Be careful with reusing words, especially 'I' for most of the lines, and 'sadness' in successive lines
Besides that, really nice poem, well done! :D

[MADAM]

I fixed them, thanks for pointing them out^^) I write using my school iPad, so a lot gets autocorrected without me noticing. I also don't look over my poems much, I write once with the emotion I have, though this one was a quick write

[MADAM]

*no though XD see? lol

[Hibiki]

It's nice.. I really like it..
This flows to me..

"I was their angel
But I was gone...
How would they fair without me?
I would never know... "

I even wonder where my angel ;)

[MADAM]

haha, I do at times as wellXD

[Brittany Zedalis]

I quite like this. It's interesting. ^-^

[MADAM]

Thank you^^) I try to bring some interesting themes into my poems:3

[songstress]

That was absolutely beautiful. The way you moved from line to line shows great fluidity and the rhythm you held through out your poem was amazing. when you say "I caressed their heads and sung lullabies. I was an angel to them. The only source of comfort" I felt, and pardon me for being wring, that there was a well placed pause. It felt as though you were acknowledging the obvious, but then recognizing your own mortality. You gave so much and doing so took away from yourself. I you personified yourself as a cleansing, yet calming force. Like a saint almost. Even though you paint such a dark picture, you managed to lace light through it. But, some how I can't help but wonder about the last part. "How would they fare without me? I would never know." it makes me think a lot about what you are exactly trying to say. do you have lingering sentiment, why could you not be satisfied with "washing away there sorrow and cooling their burning hearts," what was left for the angel to tend to?. I'm sorry If I read wrong. But, this is truly a very well spun piece. I'd love to hear more from you.

[MADAM]

Wow! I'm in such awe at your critic right now xD and to answer your question, the last line I hope to make you think about what would happen to them. Like for example if you give a homeless man five hundred dollars their thankful and will always remember you once your gone, but have you ever wondered what actually happened to them afterwards? It's a question that's always lingered when I hear if charity actions and such, what if the homeless man got robbed or hurt afterwards? Wouldn't all your work and charity be useless? That's basically the concept shrunk down^^) even if she rid them of pain and woe, now that she's gone, will people continue to harass them, will they simply become pained again? Or will her sacrifice bring change? It's up to speculation and what you want to happen at this point really. Thanks for the wonderful review though! I was really proud;w;) I don't have anyone that likes poetry or gets what my writing is about so it makes me really happy when someone appreciates it>w

[Kai Rollins]

Ha. You're dead. I'm kidding (I swear 0-0) an angel that brought death...but peace to death as well. How hypocritical. I enjoyed

[MADAM]

Thank you:3 I don't remember the inspiration for this one sadly@-@) and it was recent lol

[Kai Rollins]

I've made it a goal to read and review everything you could possibly write. Besides that. There need not be a reason to write. As long as words leave their mark on the reader

[MADAM]

Haha, I appreciate it a lot ;-; I didn't get any attention in quotev...I'm happy I signed up to this website xD met amazing writers like yourself haha

[Kai Rollins]

You'll find far more :3 it's pretty alright out here.

[MADAM]

I will! XD wen I have time I'll probably spend it here now:3