invisible touch

invisible touch

A Poem by de_maruf
"

written a long ago

"
your trembling lip 
affect my soul and 
it also start trembling 
when it get your lips warm 
through my finger tips

i get about to cry 
presence of your silky hairy head 
on my chest for looking peace 
wish to believe as a happiest man


and when i get your heart theft hand 
in my hand and i felt you 
in my arm
i just say subconsciously_

someone i touch 
i lost myself 
someone i touch 
i lost my world 
someone i touch 
i lost everything 
but get someone in my heart...

© 2012 de_maruf



Author's Note

de_maruf
invisible touch:(

My Review

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Reviews

Hi there.
Being blunt and honest and not rude I hope. Why would you publish English poetry with incorrect English? Surely you should get this privately edited to get the grammar right before you go and publish? I cant imagine the response of the more professional writers with regard to having to correct basic grammar. Maybe I am biased in that I do believe that the tools come before the production. I can see no style nor poetic merit at this stage just the rough diamonds that need polishing.
I do not recognise this within my definition of poetry and do not doubt the feelings. At the risk of acruing everybody`s disfavour at tamperring with private property and with altruistic motives, if it was mine I would have reworked this about three times starting with

.your trembling lip affects my soul
and my heart becomes more trembling
when your lips feel warm through my finger tips
scattered thoughts become assembling

I soon find I begin to cry
Down onto your silken hair
Your head on my chest is seeking peace
From I the happiest man anywhere

It is then that I do really feel your heart
when I feel your small hand so fine
I feel you enclosed in my enfolded arms
And subconsciously I believe your mine

Your someone I touch and I lose myself
Your someone I touch and I lose my world
Your someone I touch and I`ve lost everything
but to get someone now into my heart
Is for the soul to open and unfurl

I would then have worked on it till I was pleased, then got it read by somebody else and then think about submitting it for criticism. I hope this helps.

Posted 4 Years Ago


A sad poem but very good.
I like a lot the last stanza...your sadness is clear like water
Keep it up,
-Penelope H.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Well, I’m no poet, but I thought your idea and style were very good :) The only thing I would say you have to work on is grammar/spelling, but it looks like you’re in the right direction when it comes to poetry itself.
Anyway, keep up the good work! :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


Sweet sorrows. Honest poetry, that has much potential.

Posted 4 Years Ago


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DrD
That's how it works, my friend, and you captured it very well.

Posted 4 Years Ago


Good poem that needs a bit of work. Affect needs a s,silky hairy head doesn`t read well, so have the grammar checked over. You have talent, with some checking this could be a fine poem.

Posted 4 Years Ago


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Mir
I liked the words, but I think the structure could be looked over and change a bit, but nonetheless, this was great! :)

Posted 4 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I like it! you have a lot of talent!!

Posted 4 Years Ago


very unusually written. very tender, soft, like a flower that blooms once a year. but the wording is unusual. it gives it a foreign vibe, not as in from another country but world. the wording could be better placed, making it flow more smoothly. grammatical errors seem exist, but seem to be part of its charm. so, the wording is strange and a little jarring, but the sentiment is absolutely beautiful.

Posted 4 Years Ago


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@
Beautiful writing.
A very tender poem.

Posted 4 Years Ago



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Added on December 22, 2012
Last Updated on December 29, 2012

Author

de_maruf
de_maruf

dhaka, south, Bangladesh



About
i want to cut my life as my desired time and want to make my time eventful and........................................................................................................................... more..

Writing
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