Autumn People

Swept up leaves in the wind
weightless and unruly against their own wishes
now explode with beauty only to
dull and decay like the
fading hearts who turned with the seasons
yearning for the lightness once felt
when all was in bloom as they
wait in the windows for 
life again

Reviews

[Delmar Cooper]

I enjoyed the sense of the poem and felt the fireworks of the first three lines. I appreciate the "turn" in the poem from out of doors to inside the hearts of the voyeurs of the window panes. There are many ways the words could be rearranged to create slightly different nuances to the sense, but it is good writing as it stands and you should be rightly proud of this work.

[The Twin Arenas]

it's good. can i suggest a few things? would that be okay? you won't be an a*****e about it?

you should end the third line with "only"
and the fourth with "like"

maybe other stuff, too. I'm at work and my eyes are sore. it's good, though. this feels autumnal. you write well. the beauty of that is you get to have something to edit and tighten.

[M. Davis]

I have no problem with constructive criticism. What you said about the third line makes sense! I appreciate the feedback.

[Alfred Kukitz]

I like the way the poem felt during the reading and that window seemed to look out into the eternal.

Regards,
Al