To Be a Friend

I thought that people wanted me to leave them alone. I see levels of friendship, and I notice one thing. You would do more for a friend, and you would do more things with a friend. To say that in a social everyday gathering, or to use the word lightly

 

Growing up, life was empty

A friend was a word, a forgotten meaning

I did not know the word, nor understand it

 

Nobody talked to me, or even acknowledge me

Everyone had a friend, everyone but me

And as I grew, I grown cold

 

High school was my test, a scratching post

I would learn how to be a friend, as best as I could

I would learn this, most likely at your expense

 

You wouldn’t talk to me, although I was here

You wouldn’t look at me, so I studied you

You wouldn’t like me, because I did not let you

 

But a year in school passed, and I got wiser

I learned the game, I learned your ways

I might not be similar, but I was your comfort

 

I developed compassion, only shown on the surface

I developed wonder, as I kept myself a mystery

I developed tears, they weren’t years trust me

 

Years passed even more, and I finally learned

I learned to become a friend, the only way I could

Spirituality was the key, a self journey deep into the mind

 

My spirituality protected me, mostly from you

And yet I still had no real true friend, I was trusted

People relied on me, because I was there

 

So then I learned something new, something so true

To be a friend was to share, or give parts of me away

To hand over parts of my soul, to mend yours

 

I accept this, my life is empty

I only feel one source of happiness, when you’re happy

And for myself, my pain was never yours to bear

 

Now I am placed in your world, as a martyr

Wondering what I may get, nothing from you

Are you wondering what I would give, my very life essence

 

Atonement is the key, to left my karmic curse

I feel so wrong, hoping people would see

That I carry no dreams, only to better yours

 

I do not stand in your way, I let you pass

I do not speak to you, so you may think

I do not look at you, so you may be free

                 

This does not mean I don’t care for you, I just can’t care for you

This won’t mean I will not try, I just don’t know how

This means I am your friend, this best I know how

 

I gave you too much, not asking much in return

Yeah I want to feel love, but I never had before

Maybe I will show you, what a real friend is

 

I will never get in your way, so you may pass

I will never lie to you, even if I should of

I will turn my back, so I won’t keep you drawn to me

 

I am broken, and very confused

I act the way I learned, the way I thought you wanted

And yet I still anger you, like I did something wrong

Author's Note

I don't care for the grammer for this one, I was expressing how I feel as of late.

Reviews

[TamiViolet]

My friend, so real this is. You remind me of my late husband; he always kept those walls surrounding him for fear of rejection. Actually, I was the only one he liked...lol. But he did the best he could as you are doing. My friend request was not coincidence. I was drawn from the moment I read your review...intuition perhaps? Compassion on the surface, playing the game, so to speak... I understand these feelings. Bittersweet read. Hugely enjoyed. Keep being you... I like you.

[Pink Poison]

The depth of feeling in this poem is profound. It hurts to read it because I know it probably hurt to write it. It is very real and touches on the spiritual aspects of what we call "friendship" in a fascinating way. Great job.

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is great, imagery is just brilliant and flow is just awesome...But it is the "feel" behind any poem which matters the most....
And this one is really a very strong piece of writing as it is so thoughtful and full of soul!
Great work!

[Panda]

This poem made my heart hurt because...I am going through this myself..sort of. It is like I am trying to be the best friend I can be...Yet I am still friendless...In high school I had friends, because I learned THEIR ways..I really could not be my honest self in fear of them turning their backs on me. As years went by I noticed..that real friendship should not be this way...that I should be myself no matter what, so I did my senior year, and they all pretty much turned their backs on me..because I was a freak, different, weird, crazy, pagan...Now I have no friends, what so ever. I am friendless, and people ask me why, and it is because I am frightened to get close to anyone as a friend anymore..hell I am scared to reveal the real me infront of my Fiance...

I simply adore this poem..I can feel it in my heart what your expressing..I can understand it deeply inside. This is well written and there was not many errors what so ever, but ones works should not be judged on grammar, but what the words itself expresses.

I loved this, as always you have done an excellent job!

[Pointblank]

Its true you can only begin to feel when you give yourself away. This takes courage. Sometimes what we get in return is hateful. But this is because that person has yet to learn that lesson. They take it home and dwell on why.
If you stand aside so I can walk, do not make sound so I can hear... you are taking yourself away from me not really giving to me. To give is to offer your heart and mind to someone. To really live is the same. to find love is when someone accepts it and returns the favor.
Such a deeply meaningful write.

[Lana123]

I had a friend do that with me. Honestly it hurts alot. It was like an epiphany that I recently realized but I think it makes it harder in the long run...not easier.

[dorkfish]

its sad and yet a very honest admition of ones thoughts and feels which gives it the wonderful bitter sweet feel.

[Pj]

This is very complex- I love it for that reason. It can be interpreted as friendship with another person or a fight within self.
Friendship is embedded within our humanity and this portrayed that single ideology so well.
A wonderful, strong write!