Liquid Crimson

As I run from the Creature of the Night she pursues me down a path of darkness. Her jet black hair sways in the wind and her eyes burn red with lust. As she thrusts my body up against the wall my heart beats like thunder. I panic as she moves closer towards my throat with a ferocious gaze in her eyes and a look of desire on her face. She sinks her teeth into me screaming like a thousand trapped souls aching to be free. She moans as the Liquid Crimson rushes down my neck. She stops and looks deep into my soul and at that moment my body is at a standstill. I don’t feel the pain anymore and my mind is troubled. She licks the Liquid Crimson from her lips as if she were satiated. I thought for a moment, “Will I live”? Then I knew the answer as she sank her teeth into me one last time.

Reviews

[Emily]

I like the setting and I like that's just a small scene, but I don't feel the panic the victim does. I think focusing more on what the victim is doing and thinking would be more effective instead of just saying what is happening. Like instead of saying "I panic as she moves closer", maybe talk about how the victim was squirming and their eyes darted around looking for an escape path. But it's a cool story!

[Guardian Of The Lost]

It was the first story I really wrote as an adult...11 years ago. Lol.

[Riley Rydin]

Spooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooky

[Riley Rydin]

I needed the points. This was really well done and I sincerely enjoyed reading it.