The complications of having a crush

My feelings about crushes.

It´s weird to have affection for somebody that you don´t really know. Well you know the person, you´ve spoken together every once in a while, and you went to see a movie together once, but still how much do you really know the person. It´s both really exciting and annoying as you don´t know what to expect or say. They make you smile by just thinking about them but they also make you sad because you don´t actually know them. And of course, they are clueless, and sometimes it feels like they will be clueless forever. Like how come they can´t see it, how can they not see how much affection one feels for them, for you. When one keeps smiling at them when one gets nervous and flustered. When one just looks at you like one just saw an angel from heaven.

 

Why do these feelings have to be so strong, so demanding, so uncontrollably annoying? Why isn’t there anything called an off switch? It´s so hard especially since it has been such a long time since feeling these feelings. When you have locked all these feelings away, and then some random person walks by you, with the key to your heart. The key that you thought was long gone. The key you threw away because it caused too much pain, too much confusion, too many unexplainable feelings. You remember the pain, you remember the mistakes, you threw the key away to never repeat these feelings again. But then you see their eyes or their “hello” message, and you all the rational thoughts about keeping your calm, just disappears like smoke into the night sky, leaving no trace but the memory. And the only thing that comes to one’s mind, is that everything once again is moving too fast. One's feelings are growing and spreading like a wildfire in a dry forest. One wonders how it can be possible that one person can have such an effect, on another person. That one person holds the other person's happiness in their fist. And you just spend your time wondering how you can take back control when sometimes it feels amazing that another person, can make you smile so much that your jaw almost starts hurting.

 

And then you start wondering if you are the only one, who has stumbled into this heavenly nightmare, but you quickly realize thanks to the internet and the millions of examples of other people being in the exact same situation you are in. And this is when you start to wonder if it really is a negative thing to feel like this. Like how can it be when you feel so happy. Crushes are so unpredictable, they are so unexpected. They are so hurtful, they are so perfect, but most of all they are so confusing. The only perfect word to describe them as being is a “Roller Coaster”. You just have to decide, if you are up for the ride. And the most important thing of them all is that you make sure not to lose yourself on the way. You are still in control, even though it doesn’t always feel like it.

 

Author's Note

Sorry for any grammar mistakes. Thanks for reading!

Reviews

[Hessy]

Having a crush is such...it's sure is a rollercoaster... One really isn't sure Wat to do... Wat to say... Wat to expect and so on.. It's both exciting and nerve wrecking ... Amazing piece... Good luck...