Memoirs of August

I don't know what I want. Do I want to die or fight?
I love God. I do love Him so much. But lately I've been feeling as if He doesn't hear me anymore and it scares me because He knows I'm afraid of being without Him. I know He's there, I guess I'm just afraid of dying and not knowing where I stand with Him.
My mind is troubled lately, and so is my heart. Everything seems troubled yet I smile and pretend that it's not. I am so heartbroken, yet I can not cry. Even with tear-filled eyes, it hurts too much to cry. I feel to weak anyway. It is as if my body would not be able to. Everything is just too painful. Even breathing.
I don't know how to live anymore. I'm struggling but still should I contain myself. Afraid of complaining and negative thoughts because maybe time is not on my hands and things might be too late to set it straight.





In the end I got through it all, and yes I am stronger! :)