These Winged Things

These Winged Things

A Poem by Daniel Maguire
"

A poem about two dead pigeons, life and death and life's little mysteries

"
These Winged Things

I took a walk to clear my head
When I observed the birds who both lay dead
Not touched by death not a single scar
These lives we lead are so bizarre

One fell from the heavens first
And peacefully she lay
The other hurtled to the ground
in it's moment of dismay

The vigilant dog did but sniff
And dared not disturb
The poets thoughts fell in line
All equally absurd

One concerned soul moved the birds
Lest they be maimed
The scholar's regret
Was that no knowledge was obtained

all trace of the birds vanished from sight
leaving much like life will do
to me and you 
no insight to a poor soul's plight

© 2014 Daniel Maguire


Author's Note

Daniel Maguire
Written a couple of years ago as part of a long lost collection entitled "Poetic Autopilot" and re-written from Memory

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Reviews

Here are my updated thoughts regarding your poem. Much like my first review, I found the poem's theme clear and thoughtful. I did however notice, your poem uses the two bird's demise to correlate to one soul. While asymetrical is in these days, I think it would be a bit more powerful if the poem spoke of the life/death of a couple of people. This is not a math problem, so there doesn't have to be a balancing out, but I felt like the dead birds (female and male) would be an excellent metaphor for the quiet relationships of the common man. Or, just as easily, it would be simple to speak of one bird to match one person. This is, of course, my opinion and not scripture. Please take the advice or do not as you please.

Just a few technical thoughts:

1st Stanza, last line: the rhythm is off with the words "can be." In my head, I was trying to say "are"- it has a better cadence.

2nd Stanza, last line: "it's" should be "its" sans the apostrophe as the it is not indicating possession.

4th Stanza, second line: "Less" should be "Lest"

4th Stanza, third line: "scholars" should either be "scholar's" or "scholars'" depedning on how many you are speaking of (as it is possessing "regret").

5th Stanza, last line: "souls" should be "soul's" (as it is possessing "plight")

Posted 9 Years Ago


One of my favorites poem! The IInd stanza`s very nice. I must say, you`ve plotted different different versions of "diff-diff. verses of poems." In other words, every stanza you`ve pen`d having own pattern. And, I liked it. The depth of the thoughts`s well poured into your words. Indeed. I`d be looking forward to reading your stuffs!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Daniel Maguire

9 Years Ago

Thanks, this is a bit of a work in progress but thanks for letting me know that I'm headed in the ri.. read more
Wórdsmíth

9 Years Ago

Pleasure.
Well.. I don`t think, there`s any need to work upon this write because, this poem`s .. read more
For me, reading a poem is like staring at a painting or sculpture. My first instinct is to ask myself, "how does this feel?" As I read your poem I felt a disconnected warmth.

Technically, I have some issues with the rhyming schematics, which is more "willy-nilly" as we say in the states (reckless; without thoughtfulness). For instance, your first stanza has a rhyming structure of AA, BB, your second and third stanzas follow A, B, C, B, and your final stanza doesn't have a rhyming structure at all (because "maimed" and "remained" don't actually constitute a rhyme). While I thoroughly enjoy a rhetorical "middle finger" to the establishment of old farts who insist on structure, I must say this didn't feel intentional.

Technical concerns aside, I liked the poem. I think with a little more persistence in developing a structure (or none at all), the themes you noted in the headline will flow seamlessly to your reader without the distraction of structural chaos.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Daniel Maguire

9 Years Ago

Firstly Willy-Nilly is not an American thing, it doesn't even sound remotely American. As much as I(.. read more
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Added on August 20, 2014
Last Updated on November 10, 2014

Author

Daniel Maguire
Daniel Maguire

Ashbourne, Co Meath, Ireland



About
Super skeptical far left mild mannered head in the clouds idealist with an imagination that perhaps at times could be described as over active but is mostly intangible incomprehensible and quite frank.. more..

Writing