The Mistake

constructive criticism always welcome

I am sitting here, on a broken bench,
With its legs drawn crooked by some street Dali.
His forgotten watch
Measures the 1342 breaths-out and breaths-in
Of a late He and a Waiting She.
The mistake
Was to let his blanket
Slip and my toes to freeze
When he was still watching

Reviews

[Layley Lu]

No constructive criticism, sorry.
I just wanted to say that I think this is magnificently done.

[Marri]

Thank you!

[Robin]

the mistake and its kindred heartache - regret

[Ken Simm.]

This is the one minute of the world painted that Cezanne speaks of. Perfect.

[Circe]

a stunning blend between the portrait and reality.. a mistake being immortalised... intriguing and very artistic.

[Marri]

Thank you! I am more than happy that someone can dechipher the noise in my head that is shaped into writing...Most of the time I fear it will remain completely incomprehensible....Thank you for seeing it that way!

[Circe]

you're welcome, I probably only grazed the surface of this rare and inspired capture!