How i miss you so

How i miss you so

A Poem by Matthew Ian Herrawood W
"

I'm not particularly proud of this poem and I feel like its unfinished. The pain we feel when we are not with the one person we love more than anyone or else is unbelievably huge.

"

 

How I miss you so

 

My still Beating heart

Ripped from my chest

100 Sharp knives

Soaked in my Blood

Invisible Lion Claws

Scraping over my face

Skin torn from my back

By a whip with sharp hooks

Sleeping on a rack

And stretched till my joints broke

 

At least that’s what I feel when I’m missing you


© 2014 Matthew Ian Herrawood W



My Review

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Featured Review

Its hard to review poetry since everyone's style is so different but a few suggestions as to what I might do if it were mine (only since you said you feel like its not finished):
I don't understand why there are a lot of random words that start with capital letters
This may just be me but I think there might be a better word than soaked to describe the knives. Maybe something more like dripping?
Is it necessary to say that the lion claws are invisible? Its pretty clear that everything in the poem is not actually happening.
I think the word "and" in the second to last line doesn't need to be there
This might be a typo but the whole poem is in present tense and then you use the word "broke" instead of "break"
Since the title of the poem reveals what it is you're describing it might be cool not to have the last line and just let the whole poem describe the pain. I feel like the last line, being in such a different tone, takes away from the rest of the poem.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt. The best thing about poetry is there's not one correct way :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Matthew Ian Herrawood W

2 Years Ago

Thanks for The review. In all honesty I never noticed the capitals in the middle of the sentence. Yo.. read more



Reviews

this is so descriptive in its dark use of words and I love the dark.

Posted 1 Year Ago


Its hard to review poetry since everyone's style is so different but a few suggestions as to what I might do if it were mine (only since you said you feel like its not finished):
I don't understand why there are a lot of random words that start with capital letters
This may just be me but I think there might be a better word than soaked to describe the knives. Maybe something more like dripping?
Is it necessary to say that the lion claws are invisible? Its pretty clear that everything in the poem is not actually happening.
I think the word "and" in the second to last line doesn't need to be there
This might be a typo but the whole poem is in present tense and then you use the word "broke" instead of "break"
Since the title of the poem reveals what it is you're describing it might be cool not to have the last line and just let the whole poem describe the pain. I feel like the last line, being in such a different tone, takes away from the rest of the poem.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt. The best thing about poetry is there's not one correct way :)

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Matthew Ian Herrawood W

2 Years Ago

Thanks for The review. In all honesty I never noticed the capitals in the middle of the sentence. Yo.. read more

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Added on July 15, 2014
Last Updated on July 15, 2014

Author

Matthew Ian Herrawood W
Matthew Ian Herrawood W

A Town, South Australia, Australia



About
A Introduction to my Realm Trilogy About the Author Matthew W is 24 years old (November 1 2016) and lives in South Australia. He has been writing and reading for a long time. Because he was su.. more..

Writing