QWERTYUIOP

BROKEN SENSELESS MINDLESS VACUOUS
CULPRIT FEEDING ON THE INNOCENT
LURING THE STRAY EYES OF THOSE
WHO WILL BE DECEIVED BY YOUR GRIN

Silhouette of madness
Behind a vacuumed glass
Exhaling lust’s smell
Somehow it still lasts
Extraverted pervert
Typing up lies
Penetrate their pain
Make the poor boys cry

I’m OKAY, boss. How are you?
I hope someday you’ll get yours too…

And so he says…

One of these days
In a haze
When I’m old and fat and f[oul]ed up
I will find my way
Like a condescending hand grenade
I thrust my shrapnel lips
Toward your comely face

FOOTLOOSE STINGY PUMPERNICKLE PUSS
RAPING THE SPIRIT OF MY SOUL
BREAKING THE LAWS OF RIGHTEOUSNESS
BY FILLING ALL MY EMPTY HOLES

Angel-thick bones
Under adolescent skin
Wings left exposed
To an unforgettable sin
Sifting through demons
Chewing though curls
The truth exposes you
For those poor violated girls

 

I am no saint

Make no mistake

I have no real dreams

Of the afterlife

And so my great revenge

Comes crashing down

On your bloodstained eyes

I’m OKAY, Father. How are you?
I hope someday you’ll get yours too ☺

Reviews

[Kenji Light]

I love the repetition in this piece. It is quite effective. You also have great imagery, as False Idles has stated. I believe that this type of poetry is quite interesting because the ideas here are all very abstract and yet centered about a central theme. I am quite impressed. I love the harshness of the words here. You have done an absolutely fantastic job at describing the abuse that this person endured. I love the way the abuser changes from Boss to Father. I think that was a very nice touch. You did a great job with this piece. I am just sorry that I did not review it sooner. Thanks again for putting this up here. Fantastic write. -Kenji

[Avery James]

Wow. I'm glad you entered this into my contest. I appreciate and enjoy your abstract pairing of words here. "Shrapnel lips" and "bloodstained eyes." It defenitely adds a darker theme and a darker tone to the poem that you couldn't have had without it. Good job!

[Adrian K. Smith]

The way certain words and the way that certain phrases just slide in like a sharp knife would have been enough to make this a good piece, but once that knife is in - you give it that little twist - you give it that extra little thrust. There is a seething rage lurking just beneath a cold exterior. It reeks of that little haha while giving a FU - it is simply divine.

[False Idles]

Very good. Very raw, very effective imagery. Just don't forget, sometimes less is more; sometimes a little subtlety can increase the impact of your emotions. Sometimes I think you're a little too heavy-handed, which I think kind of washes out the impact of the strong parts. Still however, definitely emotionally affecting, just doesn't quite achieve it's potential as a really powerful piece.

[Chris Zahar]

I think it's safe to say that your father has gotten more than what he deserves with this scathing poem. Honestly (and I mean that with all seriousness), most, if not all poets, write about their emotions in some way shape or form, yet few are capable of getting their emotions to jump off the page like you do. There wasn't one line that I read where I didn't feel your rage smacking me in the face like a Tyson hook punch. I suppose there were times when you could've been a little more artsy fartsy, but when you're writing with the emotion that you were, it's understandable that you just want to get straight to the point. Keep up your writing, because few people have the talent that you do.