Lurid the Druid

There once was a Druid named Lurid,
who was fatally stupid, and knew it.
He tried his hardest to lose it,
but didn't have the heart, aptitude
or will to do it,
And neither could he brew s**t,
So he threw up his hands, and said,
"Screw it! I'm too young, dumb
and full of fluid to do this;
I'll just get hitched
to a smart chick that's brilliant;
So he packed his bags for a trip,
Putting on his charm, he made his pitch,
laying it on real thick:
He blew her kisses, held her in his arms,
and wedged her on his broomstick,
doing whirligigs in the lickety split.
But when she still wasn't convinced,
- after all, she was a witch -,
and not being totally stupid,
Lurid telephoned his friend, Cupid,
Who suggested a prick of his
Arrowtip might do the trick.
Indeed, it did.
She turned beet red, lost her head,
becoming lovesick,
and ever after Lurid's,
Until next Spring, when the b***h
had Cupid's twins.
Lurid the Druid then did what many
expected:
He left his crib, got stoned,
and came unhinged.