A Internet Dating Website Profile

Ummm, yeah...

A Dating Website Profile:

Left Brain: "Logically, if the opportunity to meet a mate is granted, despite the type of venue, that opportunity should be seized upon regardless of the social stigma that might be associated with it. Don't you agree?"

Right Brain: "Pretty girls? All over the place? Oh my God! Love is nice; soft faces, deep soulful eyes, a kind reply, gentle tiny fingers inter-twining in ours. I like teeth, the white ones!"

Left Brain: "Really? You like teeth...(slight dis belief) that's an actual thought that you had? Tell you what friend-o, I know we're stuck together but why don't you let me quarterback this thing or we're going to die old and alone, K? So, where were we? 'Self Summary', how about; Male, rapidly approaching middle age. With a modicum of success under his belt and a DNA profile that represents a lower than average chance of genetic anomaly..."

Right Brain: "I like flowers!"

Left Brain: "What! We can't put, "I like flowers". Life experience has taught us that the women in our target market are those that prefer a male that display qualities of a more masculine tendency..."

Right Brain: (interrupting) "Oh, and yours is so much better, Averages and genetic anomalies, what are we doing? Signing up for a clinical depression study?!"

Left Brain: "Are you done?"

Right Brain: "Yes."

Left Brain: "Good, then..."

Right Brain: (interrupting) "No, I like flowers."

Left Brain: "We're not putting that."

Right Brain: "Why not?"

Left Brain: "Because, the research shows that even though a whopping ninety-nine point seven percent of women prefer the truth, a higher percentage want that truth to be subjective and in a slightly palatable format."

Right Brain: "And you're going to present that slightly flavored truth? With what? Mathematic computations, a law of averages and statistical information?
Why? So we can die old and alone?"

Left Brain: "Go ahead, throw that one back in my face, how utterly female of you!"

Right Brain: "What can I say, at least someone is in touch with his feminine side!"

Left Brain: "..."

Right Brain: "Look, I'm just saying that maybe we should work this one out together!"

Left Brain: "Hmmm, Okay maybe, just leave the hard facts to me though, okay?"

Right Brain: "Deal!"

Left Brain: "Okay, where do we start?"

Right Brain: "Oh, oh, how about, I like flowers!"

Left Brain: "You're giving me a migraine..."

Right Brain: (interrupting)"Okay, okay, I'm just kidding."

Left Brain: "How about we start with a list of adjectives, eliminating the ones that least apply. That's a nice, safe task you can accomplish without sounding utterly retarded, think you can do that?"

Right Brain: "Are you patronizing me? You know what? Never mind, I'm imagining a 'tongue sticking out' emoticon at you. That's right captain, a big ..."

Left Brain: "What, a colon and a capital 'P', I don't know what that is."

Right Brain: "Never mind. Oh, oh! The first thing the profile should say is: purple rainbows are awesome! Interstellar space travel partner needed to combat the advancing platypus hoards and also, spindly."

Left Brain: "What...the hell...are you talking about?" There is so much wrong with that thought that I don't even know where to begin."

Right Brain: "You're just jealous."

Left Brain: "No, No not really. First of all, rainbows are the diffusion of light through water vapor and it's subsequent representation of a field of light rays as interpreted by the human eye."

Right Brain: "I like purple."

Left Brain: "Look, it's impossible. Secondly, Interstellar space travel is currently not possible and hoards of space bound platypi? Well the very idea is an affront to lunacy itself! Listen, adjectives, adjectives, please!"

Right Brain: "I did use an adjective,'spindly'."

Left Brain: "Really...and you think that's a good idea? Do you really think that a woman is going to want to meet a guy with bailing wire flexibility and a pipe cleaner physic?"

Right Brain: "..."

Left Brain: "Listen, I think I know where you're going with this; how about, "Likes long walks on the beach under the full moon light."

Right Brain: "That's Brilliant..."

Left Brain: "Thank you, I heard it some where."

Right Brain: "I was being sarcastic."

Left Brain: "Listen, we haven't got all day here. Just throw some words at me that you think best describes us, actually give me a lot of words."

Right Brain: "Ok, hmmm, honest, hard working, diligent, caring, loyal, educated, cat, pottery, snowflake..."

Left Brain: "Wait, Wait..."

Right Brain: "WHAT?!"

Left Brain: "You're loosing me; words about us, remember? Okay and go."

Right Brain: "Oh; right, sincere umm generous, handsome, ransom, pant-som..."

Left Brain: "Okay, okay, I think I have enough to go on, how about this? Single, handsome, hard-working, educated, honest, male, seeks female to whom which he can have a sincere, honest and caring relationship with."

Right Brain: "Sounds boring, but if you say so. I just want to go smell that giant cheese wheel over there."

Left Brain: "Are you sure?"

Right Brain: "Yup, wait...use guy instead of male."

Left Brain: "Okay, yeah, that's good. Anything else?"

Right Brain: "Yeah, no, yeah, use lady instead of banana."

Left Brain: "Do you mean female?"

Right Brain: "Oh yes, yes I do."

Left Brain: "Thank God, Okay, that's a good start, now for the next portion of the profile. 'What I'm doing with my life'..."

Right Brain: (Interrupting)"Oh, oh, I know! I like flowers!"

Left Brain: "..."

Author's Note

Actually just hope the reader enjoys this. Would love any feedback though.

Reviews

[odium]

I need a little bit more left brain in life! Your idea for this was awesome, and you executed it hilariously. Would love to read more of your work. Well done.

[Daynal426]

Love this! How have you been btw?

[Msada]

"Do you really think that a woman is going to want to meet a guy with bailing wire flexibility and a pipe cleaner physic?"
OMG !!! I seriously haven't laughed that hard in a loooong time ! I love the epic battle between the right and left !
I can't wait to read more, thanks for the laugh !

[Vivian]

change "loosing me" to "losing me"

I loved this one. The forever arguing sides of the brain as they try control their owner's actions. I really loved this one. The humor, sarcasm...(I could go on, basically)

[MeathooksMcGee]

Thanks Viv. :)