Seeing You

Watching you here beneath the dusty plumes of clouds,

I pray that you won't see me now, as I'm seeing you

as if for the first time,

and I can see the tinsel in your eyes

flowing like waves in the shore, shining ever so lightly

like the sequins in the canvas above us tonight.

Reviews

[Charlie]

"I pray that you won't see me now, as I'm seeing you
as if for the first time..." --does this, in so many words, say that you're somewhat embarrassed, gazing at him/her as if with a longing, or possibly as if (s)he were unreal?

Forgive my inquisition, I am inquisitive.

I appreciate its simplicity, this piece. This is a piece that obviously represents the poems that carry a heavier definition than that of a long, unnecessarily drawn out poem, in which the words are many but the weight of them is very few.

I, being that I am so big on punctuation, do somewhat question the pause between the two stanzas. Er, not necessarily the pause, but the comma in between them. Maybe it was put there to represent an incomplete though, but it seems more of an uncertainty to me, like you aren't sure at first what to write about it. However, a dash, or maybe an ellipsis, could have created a little more mystery in it, less of an uncertainty, more of a selah (a moment of silence), in which one might pause and admire someone or some situation before further commenting on it.

I pray I made sense.
Blessings.

[GamingGal]

Wow....beautiful and full of emotion and....mysterious. Just to name a few things that run through my mind when I read this. These six lines are moving and touching and grip the very soul. It's been a while since I've been on here, but to be greeted and welcomed back by such an amazing writing is a delight. I look forward to more from you.

[Ben Kaplan]

You have a real gift

[Abdul Aziz]

I must apologize for not being a good reviewer. This short poem, I believe epitomizes the power of simplicity. I could quote the whole poem to state my favourite lines! Brilliantly written.

[Forevermore]

great imagery, i felt like i was there. good write my friend. i look forward to reading and reviewing more of your work

[Shep]

This makes feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Good job.

[Asb]

short sweet...full of depth...
and above all great use of thoughts....
you are certainly going to be a great poet....! :)
i just love your poems!

with regards
Asb a.k..a (aditya singh baisla)

[WhiteWillow]

I love short and simple, but even more so, short and simple with depth. This can be turned over in the mind often. A beautiful write.

[Omar Fendri]

two stanzas... six lines... and an infinity of emotions..."The most important thing for poets to do is to write as little as possible.”T.S. Eliot
A revered writing mottled by a smooth description... and the scene, I pray that you won't see me now, as I'm seeing you as if for the first time, is just so nicely dramatic to imagine. You perfectly painted a stellar scene in just few lines, which bears out the fact that you are a five-star writer.
There's a taste of gloom in your words... a taste that we all discern as we read this poem... and that very hidden side of romance that you, and only you, are living has its effect in those sacred lines. I enjoyed reading "seeing you"

[j]

i can't quite decide if you are seeing him "as if for the first time" with all pretensions dropped, or from a "first sight" sort of perspective. but it feels as though 'your' vulnerability may not be safe for you if he knew. your metaphors are lovely and fresh ~ tinsel eyes; sequined canvas ...... melancholy in sparkling tones.

well done ;)