Numb Pain

After a hard track workout in the fierce rain, I was inspired to write this piece

The cold wind bites my face
Like a starving snake.
The snake bite sends me into numbness,
Forcing me to rely on my mental power
To finish the run.
I can do this:
Only 100 meters left.
My mouth is a dry cave,
And my legs are noodles.
Cheers from the team,
But I'm too numb to respond.
Rain pounds on my face,
Laughing maliciously at my pain.
My muscles vow for revenge
As I sprint the last 100,
Giving it all I've got.
I pass the finish line,
And my muscles sigh in relief.

Author's Note

Any constructive criticism offered is highly appreciated!

Reviews

[Nautili]

love it, my daughter runs cross-country as well as track, and i know how brutal running can be, in all kinds of weather, sickness, cold, and the pushing of your limits to the point of throwing up! running definitely pushes you to bve mentally as well as physically strong. i liked the way you wrote as well, the form, the flow, the word choice.

[Jonathan Brooks]

Thanks for the comment on my poem. And it appears that you seem to enjoy "The Office" judging by your picture, which is always good. Who doesn't love Dwight right? Anyway, as a cross country and track runner, I think you captured the last moment of a race nearly perfectly. "My mouth is a dry cave,And my legs are noodles." I know exactly how this feels! Great similes, metaphors, and personification!

[Butterflymom]

I think it is brillant just like you've written it. It is very original, creative, and raw. Great job on this piece!