Are You Done?

Cancion para mi alma dulce

10/01/13

 

If it looks like rain

And it smells like rain

Then it's probably rain alright

 

And I don't know what's

Got you in my blood

But I've gotta get you out tonight

 

I look to the ground

I look to the sky

Shake my head and take a ragged breath

 

Dancing in the wind

Here we go again

I feel your fingers whisper 'cross my chest

 

Are you done?

Are you done?

Are you done?

 

Every single tear

Every single year

I put in a cup and threw away

 

I replaced those fears

With colors of my own

And I've tasted every single shade

 

But the brown of your eyes

Leaves no disguise

It's like you see into my very soul

 

If I had my choice

I'd lift up my voice

And make you mine until they lay us cold

 

Are you done?

Are you done?

Are you done?

 

Are you done?

Are you done?

Are you done?

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[ms. barrie]

This is an extremely emotionally intense write that resonates deeply within
Me, while I was reading this, as I'm sure with most ppl. The title of this poem
Caught my attention & drew me in.

I love how your words captured the honest, disenchanted imagery depicted in
Write, the lyrical repetion, "are you done?" -- I feel like the each stanza
Builds up into a crescendo of emotional turmoil, I could picture the repetition
Of those words being screamed out loud in the last lines you've penned

This is an amazingly well crafted, poem that command s the reader's
Attention, written with eloquence and incredible choice of words
And their arrangement of them, the lyrical fluidity also.

Simply incredible write that I very much enjoyed. Thanks for sharing :)

~ Barrie Joy

[Melobldnfr]

Barrie, thank you so much for your very thought-filled review. I am honored.

[ms. barrie]

You're very welcome, Melod. , This was a pleasure to read and I very much look
Forward to reading more of your writes soon :)

[Felicity's Eve]

This is so relatable to me that I could cry. The poetic intensity of this and the overwhelming emotion you display is amazing.

[Melobldnfr]

Didn't mean to make you cry, but thank your for letting me know my words have moved you. This is quite the compliment.

[kublakhan27]

Here we go again...that line speaks volumes to me here, as does the second stanza. It would appear as though this rollercoaster is not stopping to let you off. The title and repetition suggests impatience at best, and resignation at worst. It almost sounds like frustration over the face that this person seems to know you better than vice-versa, but I hope I'm wrong. I'm reading this in a rather depressed state so maybe I'm misinterpreting it altogether. The poem is deep and descriptive in its emotions, Great piece my friend.

[kublakhan27]

*over the fact

[Melobldnfr]

My friend, methinks you may be in a darker mood than this write was written in. ;-) I wish you could hear me play and sing it. Maybe I can do a rough computer recording and send it to you. Xo.

[kublakhan27]

Haha It's okay Mel. Like I said, I'm glad to have misinterpreted it. I'd love to hear it sometime if you're able to do so ;) xo

[Melobldnfr]

"Cancion para mi alma dulce" means "Song for my sweet soul." In asking "Are you done?", I am actually trying to convey patience and understanding. "Are you done?" Running from me? Running from yourself? Hiding? Denying? Yes, all things that can be taken quite negatively, but things that are necessary defenses. I know this person very well, sometimes better than she knows herself. Just as she surely knows me at times better than I know even myself. But I am learning. Just today came such epiphany in the middle of algebra, no less. Then after I came home and did my algebra homework sections and quiz was struck with such words over the revelation I'd had earlier, so quickly, I was racing to write them down and arrange them (see "The Human Factor"). I did think of you and wondered, hoped you'd see it's getting brighter. I'm getting brighter. Lighter, anyway. And hopefully more...learned. ;-)

[kublakhan27]

It's okay bud, I'm just glad to hear that things are on the upswing for you ;) I am humbled by the fact that you had me in mind, and I wish I was able to see the true emotions behind this. I'm sure any other reader would know what you're getting at here. Trust me, I'm not a good measuring stick in such matters haha :P

[Melobldnfr]

Don't go selling yourself short there partner. If you were to read "Conversation and Information" you'd be like ???????? But it's a process. ;-) Not to mention, I'm listening to my rough recorded version of this, and it doesn't sound exactly happy. So...? Emotions are simply difficult to convey.

[Melobldnfr]

Correction: *"Conversation"

[kublakhan27]

Oh no, it's clearly the bipolar talking on my part :P I'm sure most people would see the true sentiments that are contained therein. I'll definitely check that piece out, but it can't be tonight cuz my brain is just too burned out to offer a decent review. I promise to check it out though ;)

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Interesting lyrical flow to this one. I like the repetition in terms of this being almost a "song"...I could hear the last lines being almost whispered melodically.

I'd lift up my voice
And make you mind until they lay us cold -- my favorite lines...beautiful.

[Melobldnfr]

Thanks so much Sarah. -nods and bows-

[Azure Montessa (Blue)]

My goodness, this is excellent! Though I admittedly don't get the "whole" idea, this simply struck me! Is this originally a song? I can imagine you singing this just like what you did in the YouTube video that you shared to me. The repetition of "Are you done?" leaves me breathless. There's urgency and importance. You wrote this very well. I'm impressed with your style of writing. :)

[Melobldnfr]

Thank you. Yes, this is a "hot-off-my-flat-top" original. Usually I write words and then put music to them, but night-before-last I was up playing guitar and had this lick I was playing, started humming, and eventually words emerged. Thus, I first wrote the music and then put words to said music. This rarely happens, and makes for a piece that sounds quite different than my usual work. Because the music, when it's like this, comes from a nearly transitive state.

I wish I had a way to record this and put it on yt as before, but for now I only have rough computer recording capabilities. Hopefully soon I'll be able to rectify that.

Also, musically, I have trouble coming to a solid conclusion. And a part of me feels it could've used three more stanzas. But I can be too verbose. This is all that came out of it, out of me, so I've left it at this.