Overture

OVERTURE
03/16/18

The only song I ever wrote for you
Is so raw
I choose to not play it outside my room.
It has no tune.
It is ugly, stuck, and cycletive;
Dressed up in monochrome.
I moved away, moved away
To see the forrest despite the trees.
Yet the chains I did break
Got swallowed up inside me.
As kittens learn from Momma cat,
So did I from you.
I didn't mean to.
Your ways just stuck in me like glue.
And ways created by you
In my defense from you -
The hypersensitivity,
The paranoia, and the fear
You served like scary, tasty treats.
Abandoned when in disagreeance;
Hell, abandoned anyway.
Your own emotions boiling over
More than showed for everyone
As you denied, denied, denied
Despite your displays.
No methods by which to deal.
Healthy coping skills, a dream.
You laugh and scoff at others needs.
Not serving you = beneath you.
You pushed away,
No compassion nor condolences.
Disallowed us to cry.
Told us we were weak.
And I, just like my father...
You loved but left him physically
As you did us emotionally.
Then had us believe
Your misbehaviors
The fault of the new male deity.
The one you let beat you
And blamed that on us.
He took us from the keeper we called "Mother",
Seemingly further from you,
And from each other:
Chided for our every care and need,
The needs and cares of our demigod siblings held high,
Our only provisions to make you look good to outside eyes.

Now

Now I live

I try to give

And I more than give

I

Disappear

I bend and fold and mold

Not even knowing

It is not of my own

Until six months to two years down the road

I shove others, or they shove me, out of needs to grow


Can I not come to grow...together

With at least myself
If not someone else?

Please quit gracing my facebook
With your falsities

You imposter, you

I now know not much is nearly so important

Especially adversity

And your pus weighs the temples of my mind

You made everything so major

We could do nothing

I am queen now
I have my own orchestra
It plays my own symphony

I no longer need or even want
your acceptance of my positions...my perceptions

Only to express my truth
And find a way to integrate