Over You (Edited)

:) I'm Strong. It's been edited. I need to figure out how to make versions....Lol

I like it when my heart breaks,
it may turn to little flakes.
I may seem shallow like a little lake,
but in all reality, I know the truth, I'm as deep as the Great Lakes.

I'm completely over you,
I saw right through your eyes, and I flew.
I avoided anymore pain, but I must say I was still a little blue.
You were the one who sent my thoughts askew.
I'm sorry to say this, but it's easier to get over you than to fall for you.

I fawned at you like an idol,
thinking someday I may be shopping at David's Bridal.
I bet you were thinking homicidal.
Yeah...Please. I'd like to see you get me thinking suicidal.

I looked at you like girls do to their puppy posters that sit on their wall,status idle.
I fell for you while you purposely put my heart on the wave tidal.

I'm over you, don't get your head full of thoughts.
You gave me a lot of knots,
I gave you a lot of shots
but it's like all you saw were little stars and dots.
It's like you had this as your story plot.

I get it I was used, laughed and bet upon,
but damn, I sure am I happy that I'm gone.
I was that boring white swan,
I gave you a big yawn.

If you ever need me again,
I'm not going to let you get in my head like I'm a playpen,

if you do, I'll put you in the bullpen.

Get it through that big thick skull,
I am not that dull.

You better believe it, I'm over you.

Author's Note

WOO! :) Tell me what you think please!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TApJiAmrqsk

Reviews

[Fréyjä Helv..]

The line "but damn, I sure am I happy that I am gone"
i think it's better if it was like "but damn, i sure am happy that I'm gone"
always remember to pay attention to the meter of the poem or its patterns of rhythm. That will make the poem flow smoothly. Though your rhymes are creative as well. Improve a bit on the pattern of syllables in each line. Oh and be careful with your choice of words. Again and brain don't really rhyme... Other than that. It's a nice poem...

[Melody]

Thank you very very much, I will keep your critiques in though. When I get on a computer again I will look over it again myself. :) Thank you Vittoria

[Fréyjä Helvití]

You're Very welcome... Glad I could help... :)

[Speak in Silence]

This is great :) good luck :)

[Melody]

Thank you! >.< Thank you. :)

[Speak in Silence]

You're welcome, anytime :)

[words of rooted design]

"if you do, I'll put you in the bullpen" Very strong words.

I could feel the emotion in this poem like I had personally been swept off my own feet and dropped a 10 story building. The breaking news is that you got up and walked away with mere scratches. Touche, my dear.

[Melody]

:) Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. I really appreciate you reading it. >.

[Shadow Kat]

Haha! LOVE it! I can relate :D

[Melody]

:D Thanks! I'm super duper glad you liked it! >.

[ewest1220]

The very beginning and end were my favorite parts. I love the imagery of the first stanza and the attitude throughout. The last part has an extra kick that I thoroughly enjoyed. Great job!

[Melody]

Thank you! :) I'm glad you liked it. >.

[nigrum homonculus]

a very different approach to getting over someone. the positive elements in the poem are very fresh and honest well done. vocab is great, the rhythm can be improved. what vittoria said, some words seem like they rhyme but they actually don't, i'm a victim of that aswell. apart from that the poem was great. you did well!

[Melody]

Thank you. You guys make me feel like I should do a stage bow...Lol.

[Melody]

I think I'm actually about to edit it while I'm online. :) I will send out some RRs when I'm done editing it.

[nigrum homonculus]

you should! an if you need any help just PM me.

[Melody]

Okay, it's not letting me resend the RRs. But I just edited it. Tell me what you think.

[nigrum homonculus]

rhyme is definitely better. and i can't remember if the last line in the second stanza was in the original edit of the poem but DAMN girl! any boy would feel that. other than that it does flow off of your tongue a bit better aswell.

[Melody]

HAHA! I guess, I think anybody would feel it.
Thank you. :)

[Irvette Dauphine]

this poem is great! i like the ryme and the emotional in this poem..

[Melody]

Thank you. :)

[Harley (arbiter)]

Awesome poem. Great emotions. I can relate and I loved it. Good job

[Melody]

Thank you. :)

[deepblue04]

This is good!!! I love it!! I like the rhyme you have with it! Amazing!

[Melody]

Thank you! :)

[Owlgirl]

Wow! Great poem! Very insipiring and upbeat! You may want to work a little on the number of syllables per line to help a little with the flow, but other than that it's simply amazing!

[Melody]

Thank you Owlgirl! :)