Ashleigh Lynne

“I'm broken and you don't care!” Ashleigh Lynne screamed at the one person who was always there for her, the one person who always listened to her. But the face that once smiled so sweetly was now indifferent and emotionless to her pain and suffering. The eyes that once looked at her so lovingly, so caringly, were now cold and stared at her with such hate and disdain.

She thought everything would be fine, everything would be alright once she confessed her true feelings. But that's when everything changed; that's when she lost her only friend. And as Ashleigh Lynne drags the blade across her wrists, she's not stopping her. The drops of crimson, as they fall so tenderly to the beige linoleum, tell a story of her past, of the girl she once knew. That girl who, at one time, would have begged her to stop. Instead she now stood silent, her cold eyes urging her to finish it, to drag the blade a little further, a little harder, a little deeper.

The feelings which were confessed were not that of love; her confessions were of hate. It was easy for awhile, easy pretending to love her, easy fooling the world into believing the same. But she couldn't do it anymore. The girl she harbored such feelings of hatred for mocks her; she mocks her with her taunting, her false sense of security. She looks so pretty to the world with her long blonde hair always done nicely, her clothes that are always in style, her big blue eyes that could make anyone swoon. All were a mask, a disguise for her true self to hide behind, to fool an unwitting audience.

She stared into those cold, dead, unrelenting eyes and screamed her hatred until her voice was raw, as crimson love fell to her feet from the lines across her wrists. She stared into those mocking eyes... she stared into her own until the world around her began to grow darker until she could no longer see herself for the person she really was.

Reviews

[Lydia]

This made me sad. I felt it was written well, though.

[Sketcha]

This was different immediately through the use of your dramatic photo and speech. Your beautiful use of language is not contrived or forced - it sounds like you have lived through this yourself, Sarah! It was risky using a connective at the start of a sentence too - but it's always something I love as it adds a little flair, a tiny bit of uniqueness in a crowd of people whom either break all the conventions of writing or follow them religiously. A good writer makes sure they respect the rules of writing but aren't afraid to explore and challenge themselves and I felt that is exactly what you did! All by simple connectives, "And" "But" Your descriptions are beyond talent. You don't just go, "she's really depressed and life sucks" which is the impression I get from most depressing writing. Instead, you focus more on the actions of what she's doing rather than pure emotion. That little slitting paragraph ignores Ashleigh's emotions - as if she is already dead.
Your sentences flowed perfectly and this was a very cohesive story of heart break. What I REALLY love is the mystery too - we never find out the name of her ex-partner. And as if you weren't already ridiculously unique - you were also the only one who did a story on a lesbian couple! Absolutely perfect. I'm sorry if I wasn't helpful - there was no weakness in this beautiful tightly knit story for me. That's a big thing by the way - I'm normally extremely critical!

[The White Wolf]

Bravo! This was a very gripping write! It seemed sort of like a glimpse through the eyes of an inner child. All the things that we feel brewing in the depths of our soul that we can not move past as adults. To be so disgusted by our own reflection, though not an emotion one easily wants to admit, is a real one. These are my impressions, of course, and I could be totally wrong :) This was completely fascinating in all the right ways and so well written.

[Shattered]

So was the friend she was talking about an actual person, or herself? The line "She stared into those mocking eyes... she stared into her own..." leads me to believe she was looking in the mirror, hiding from everyone that she despised herself, but unable to hide it any longer. Either way, this is a good story, sad and heart breaking, but beautifully written all the same.

[>-Eros->]

The true friend will inevitably be betrayed by the truth. I mean, in the story of a famous betrayer, Judas was not guilty of lying, but was guilty of revealing a truth. Your story well portrays the tragedy that can come of truth, in truly knowing there is never, really, anyone to turn to. The ultimate conclusion is to fade to darkness in a drape of crimson. Yes, your topic moves me to think, and is excellently conceived. Hopefully there's more to this story! Nicely written. Thanks for presenting this.