Pleasurable Death - Snippet (Alex)A Chapter by Sarah McConnaughey
I woke with a hunger I knew all too well, although it wasn't food I hungered for. It was a hunger for the drugs I had been forced to leave behind in California. I didn't know the New York streets well enough to go out and search for any dealer that might be working late, especially at 2 AM, but the pain inside my body was telling me to try anyway. After all, it wasn't the first time I had ventured out into unfamiliar streets in search of a dealer.
I dressed as quickly and quietly as possible. I knew in that four-bedroom apartment everyone was asleep, although my mom (who was in the bedroom next door) was a very light sleeper. So I had to be especially quiet so I wouldn't wake her, because I knew damn well I'd never get out of the apartment if she woke up.
Before leaving, I sat on the edge of the bed for a moment and watched Kyle sleep. I deeply regretted making Kyle, my husband, believe I had been clean for the past two years, but after only two weeks out of rehab I missed how the drugs made me feel; I missed the euphoric sensation the highs gave me, and how I felt like nothing could hurt me.
I'm so sorry, Kyle.
I kissed my sleeping husband softly on the lips, then grabbed a black sweater my grandma had knitted for me, and quietly left the apartment.
* * * * * * * * * *
The air was cold with a slight breeze that chilled me to the bone, which made me happy I'd remembered to pack something warm before leaving California. I pulled the collar taut around my neck when a sudden breeze blew past me, making me shiver. The cold was also making my pain feel so much worse, as if each breeze that blew past me was millions of splinters stabbing me at the same time. I didn't know where to look first. It felt like as if I had walked ten miles, when I'd really only walked half a block.
I felt like giving up, fear getting the better of me as people unlike any I had ever come across stumbled past me smelling of alcohol and sex. Some glared at me as if they were expecting a fight, some even turned from their intended path and began to follow me, while others mumbled to themselves as they walked past. There were also rare sightings of “normal” people on the streets, but I wanted nothing to do with them, either. I knew all too well what insects that prowled city streets at night would love to do to an eighteen-year-old like myself.
I quickened my pace to distance myself from the vagrants that littered the nighttime streets.
“Hey, honey. You lost?”
I turned to see a woman smiling at me with yellow smoke-stained teeth. She looked as if she was in her fifties, and as she walked toward me with a forced wiggle in her movements I could distinctly smell cigarettes and too much hairspray permeating off her, and her face was caked with more makeup than Wal-mart sold.
“You look cold. Maybe I can warm you up.” She tried stroking my face, but I backed away before her clammy hand could touch my face with whatever substances that may have been on them.
“Actually I'm looking for something else.” I told her as my eyes darted around at everyone walking past.
“And what's that, sweetie?”
I tried to answer, but I had to clutch myself as my body reminded me to shut up and hurry.
The woman laughed hoarsely. “I know exactly what you're looking for.” She pointed down the street with her long red fingernails, then continued, “just go down the street a little more, and you'll find a couple guys' outside. I know their boss. He can help you.”
I thanked her, then continued on my way.
It didn't take my long before I found two brunette men the woman had told me about. They both looked no older than twenty-five, and both were smoking joints. A breeze carried the beckoning aroma straight to me as I hurried to them, desperate to make the pain stop no matter what it took.
“Hey, mind if I have a hit?” I asked as I sauntered over to them cautiously.
The two men looked at each other, then smiled as if they were sharing the same thought.
“And what do we get out of it?” The guy on the left asked.
I sighed in annoyance. I had dealt with their kind many times before, so many I'd lost count.
“I have money.” I told them.
The guy on the right laughed. “We don't want your money, kid.”
“I'm not a kid. And the name's Alex.”
“I'm Jayce, and this is Michael.” The guy on the right introduced.
I clutched his body again as even worse pain shot throughout me.
“Please,” I pleaded through gritted teeth, which sounded more like a growl. “Please, give me anything to stop the pain. Please!”
The men surrendered as they watched me doubled over in pain.
“Alright,” Michael started. “We'll take you to the boss.”
Michael opened the door they had been standing by and blaring heavy metal music filled the early morning street. I hurried up the stairs, but Jayce stopped me before I could go inside.
“A word of advice: Don't touch him!”
“Touch him and find out.” Michael joked.
I followed them through room after room, each littered with people I assumed were passed out from possibly too much alcohol, as empty bottles surrounded them, while others were having sex with those who were unconscious; some of the unconscious being raped were women. The house reminded me of the house I was boss of in Los Angeles, only this one was a lot worse. Although mine dealt with drugs, as well. Thoughts of turning and running flooded my mind that was nearly hysterical with fear, but the pain inside me was stronger than my own will.
Finally after climbing two flights of stairs, we entered a dimly lit room with a few couches, but the only people in the room was a man with two women on either side of him, kissing him. Jayce closed the door, but the heavy metal music that had been playing throughout the house could still be heard.
I watched the man on the couch cautiously who seemed to have no interest in the women kissing him; he looked so bored, almost...lonely. His eyes lit up with life, though, when he finally looked up and spotted me standing by the door with Michael and Jayce on either side of me.
“Who's the kid?” He asked as he pushed the women away and sat forward. His voice was so soft, so smooth. It was almost melodic.
The two men both grabbed my arms and brought me closer to their boss. The man had intense blue eyes that seemed to glow, and shoulder-length black hair that made his skin look deathly pale, especially against his black clothes.
“I'm Alex, and I'm not a kid.” I answered shakily, both from fear and pain.
The man smiled pleasantly, and shifted positions on the black couch.
“Well, Alex. My name is Bradley. What can I do for you?”
“I need something.”
Bradley observed me in silence, examined me, his eyes moving along every inch of my body.
“Please!” I begged impatiently, while I struggling against the two holding me.
“How old are you, Alex? You look awfully young.”
“I just turned eighteen yesterday.”
“Hmph!... No longer jail bait.” A strange smile spread across Bradley's face. “If I do give you something to stop the pain racking your body, how will you pay for it?”
“I have money.” I answered quickly and impatiently, wanting the nonsense game to be over.
Bradley laughed softly, and shook his head. “I don't want your money, kid.”
“What do you want?”
I knew for a fact he was going to ask for sex to pay for the drugs. I would do it without hesitation, though. It wouldn't have been the first time I had had sex with a dealer to pay for drugs. Even when I had money after I started dealing them myself, I still used sex.
Bradley's lips widened into a smile that made me so much more queasy than I already was from the pain.
“I want you to masturbate.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “What?”
“You heard me, kid. Jerk yourself off right here in front of me with all of us in the room. If you can do that, I'll give you all the drugs your little teenage body can stand.”
I sighed. I had been humiliated so much in my life just for drugs, this was no different. Although it was the first time a dealer had asked me to do...that for them.
I closed his eyes and slowly unzipped my pants, while imagining it was Kyle sitting in front of me, not a weird stranger. I pulled out my member and started stroking, slowly at first.
“Open your eyes and look at me.” Bradley demanded sternly, as if he was scolding a child.
I did as I was told, and focused on Bradley's intense eyes and beautiful youthful face as I started stroking faster. When I'd first entered the room and noticed that man sitting between the two women, he looked bored, depressed. But watching me masturbate in front of him seemed to be exciting him.
When I felt ready to shoot Bradley told me to stop, and motioned for me to move closer. He lifted up my shirt to look at my body, letting his fingers trail along my skin slowly, then before I could react he put my member in his mouth. I grabbed a handful of Bradley's soft hair as pleasure soared throughout me, while completely forgetting Jayce's warning.
“Don't touch him!” A blonde on the right spat as she pushed my hand away.
Bradley pushed her. “Don't touch Alex! He's mine. Same goes for everyone else here. No one is to touch him. Understood?” He looked up at me and smiled, then resumed.
As promised, after Bradley had finished, he gave me drugs. He had so many available, some I had never even heard of. And as the drug soared through me I smiled peacefully as the pain finally subsided, which felt as if a tremendous weight had been lifted off my shoulders. But I felt a weight on my body, then felt kissing on my neck, and a warm hand down my pants.
“No.” I tried pushing Bradley off me, but I wasn't strong enough at that point, my muscles too relaxed. So I surrendered and let him have his way.
© 2012 Sarah McConnaughey
Pleasurable Death (Snippets)
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