Blur

What day, what a week, what a month, it's been a year? What do I have to show for this?

Red, yellow, green, and blue

blur by me, I miss their hue

Every day, the race I could

believing it's the way we should.

White, black, red, and grey

These, the colors of my day

Focused on the they way to pay
for life's demands I must give sway?

Spinning, turning, burning, done

Is this the life we fought and won

Like cogs, machines, lined up, run
Til we finally meet the One.

Reviews

[Raven Moonchild]

(applauds) I love this, dude. :) The use of colours and the last part are just awesome.

"Spinning, turning, burning, done
Is this the life we fought and won
Like cogs, machines, lined up, run
Til we finally meet the One."

Absolutely brilliant. :D

[Merovech]

Thank you.

Sometimes, out of despair, comes life.

[Raven Moonchild]

Aye, very true. :)

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

I liked it as is
I understand it completely

[Merovech]

Thank you!

I still have the previous version.

[ImSJ]

The whole poem, I think, would benefit from more punctuation. It leaves me uncertain where on thought ends and another begins. The second and third lines of the first stanza are puzzling. The second stanza is clearer but I find the last phrase awkward. Again the third stanza would benefit from punctuation for clarity. Did you intend that the ultimate line have we twice? I think that this is a good start and is worth a bit more work.