There Comes a Lady Callin'...

Long gone the chill of trepidation

       as twilight dulls to dusk,

such subtle, sultry, saturation

       when darkness heaves its husk;

for something wanes and nothing thickens

       devouring all you see,

‘til life is stilled while living quickens

       and then they come to me.

Through dense dead air slips a whisper where

       delusion meets desire;

and the voices fair, from no one’s there

       ascend an octave higher;

then the lies again, enshrouded in

       the chatter of the fallen,

as it’s always been, just pausing when

       there comes a lady callin’.

Perchance we’ll meet, maybe share a seat

       and curse at the darkness of light;

or bump and greet on some busy street

       then converse on some lovely night;

and when fate concedes, fulfilling needs

       we’ll follow the path ‘til it slows;

for you’ll learn it leads beneath those weeds

       with my pretty maids all in rows.

Reviews

[Angi]

Mic, this piece reads on the dark and creepy side to me. The setting is on an old farmstead way out in the boonies, way back when. There is a man living there, who hears a woman's voice. This woman was someone he loved long ago. He tries to recreate that feeling with women he brings home, but they are just not quite right. The women end up under the weeds, adding to his collection of pretty maids... Ha! I don't know what I ate last night, but this is what I saw when I read this, Mic. You can call me crazy when you read this review! Angi~

[Mic]

Hooray! Crazy? No...you get a gold star, kiddo! Is funny, but I'd tried to soften this morbid little take on the serial killer with an ever merrier cadence as it moved along. Decided I'd disguised it too well though, as no one seemed to grasp the story within. You read it exactly as intended. Thank you Angi, for reading as well as commenting!

[Angi]

Ha! ...and here I thought I was going to offend you by seeing blood in your word. I still think about, 'The Box,' you know. One of my favorite creepy pieces here in the cafe. Angi~

[Viv Wade]

What an eerie atmosphere you create with your words! The poem rhymes well, and draws the reader along. The meaning of the poem is a bit ambiguous, which allows the reader to find their own interpretation. Good work!

[SHEEMA HUQ]

i think that this is really clever and I have enjoyed your rich use of language

[Mic]

It's a bit different, but was a fun write. Thanks so much for your time reading as well as the wonderful comment, SHEEMA!

[Sheila Kline]

I am truly impressed with your gift of fluency, rhythm, perfect tap a tap, tap a tap effect.... alliteration.... to the read and you indeed show me the power of the effectiveness of a poem that is written with correct meter, rhyme....of which I have been striving to do, but never as good as as what you have written!

..."Me thinks this is one of the finest poems I have read here on the Cafe, so I salute you!!!....now, to comment on the message -

It is a bit sad in the beginning, but I find the first and second verses to be the most appealing to me with the dense dead air, delusion, enshrouded.....and then on to the next with the curse at the darkness of night, but you do give it an uplifting end as hope of....the perchance we'll meet moment.....comes in!! Ah, there he is with his pretty maids all in rows!

A wonderful, and intriguing write - surely going in my favorite's library! And, I shall take the time to read more of your work!!

[Mic]

Wow, a most pleasant surprise... and thank you!

As far as meter goes, my mind prefers a distinct cadence to written verse. Not that I don't appreciate otherwise, just carries truer in my head. Can make for quite a puzzle at times once the scheme is set, and most fun to construct.

Fear you've sold yourself a bit short though, as I've been to your page and found your verse quite exquisite. I shall return!

... and thank you again!

[Emma Ruth]

I like your use of alliteration very much, and the flow of the piece is beautiful; very enjoyable! :)

[Mic]

Thank you Emma. This one is a bit odd, an experiment, if you will. It's actually a rather dark story hidden in a pleasant tune. Tried to make it merrier as it went.

[Samuel Dickens]

Pondering her existence, longing for "the one". You've got some great wording here, and a message that many of us can relate to.

[Mic]

Thank you Sam!

[Kaylor Mason]

Nothing quite as refreshing as a scramble in the brambles . . .

[Mic]

Thank you Kailer, for reading as well as commenting!