Within My Room

I am alone within my room.
Restive moods inside my walls.
I was sleeping wide awake.
Helping the paranoia to grow,
from within my sleeping head
that I took the time to know.

I was expiring through the pain
that some claimed was never there.
I was standing strong on my bed
making love to the ancient air.
For when the blessings came to me,
I was naked but for the hair.

Coloured patterns hit the walls.
Suppressing what I occupied.
I was growing yet another shell.
Proof alone that I didn't die.
As I stood and lived the moment,
closing the door with my eyes.,

I was alone within my room.
In that, the shadows weren't there.
Reached over and switched on the lights
till they glowed all about me in the air.
Then I sat and put my make-up face on.
Now I see where I hid the chair.

Reviews

[Reeti]

the seclusion of the speaker itself is most noxious for the speaker himself, and yet, he is drawn towards it. The masochism being represented here is vivid. The last sentence "now i see where i hid the chair": indicates how he abhors his own sight. The slowness of time and the tension growing as time passes are shown inclusively in the entire poem. Just for the pleasure of my understanding, "i was naked but for the hair"- that is to mean that he feels empty having nothing on him but hair reflecting the devoid within himself?

[Groovy]

A poem that reflects deep pain...very well presented

[Coyote Poetry]

Some poem are easy to read. Some like this one need to be read with patience and time. I like the way you expressed the feeling and the emotion in the poem. Each time I read. I find more to grasp. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[LadyNaida]

This is an awesome write. I love the flow! check out my poem, "This is the Mask".

[unspokenguilt]

It flowed quite nicely...this piece is very cleverly done!

[HiddenFantasies]

I love the rhythm in your poetry, it seems to be very well done. I also love your rhyming scheme. I really enjoyed this poem. The imagery is fantastic, and you set your scene well. I have only a few nitpicks:

"Helping the Paranoia to grow" is, as far as I know anyways, grammatically incorrect. Feel free to correct me if I am wrong but I believe the word 'to' does not belong in this sentence.

Also the line "I was naked but for the hair" feels to me like there needs to be another line after it. As in, it feels like there needs to be a location but for the hair on my head, on my back, on my body etc. Perhaps "but for my hair" would be better?

I also don't see the relevance of the chair, that line seems out of place to me. Though perhaps I am missing something.

[Robbie~xoxo~]

This starts out in a dreamlike state... then leads to the light...To switch on a light can have various meanings... "Reach over and switch on the lights ,till they glowed all about me in the air."Nice write!

[Aianarie (INACTIVE)]

Interesting imagery and expressions...nice write!

[Caitlyn Murray]

Wow. I like this alot!

[Boldpen]

Very interesting.
I loved the expressions used and described.
Nicely written!