Ramblings of a Madman

Ramblings of a Madman

A Story by M.E.Lyle

I don't think I'm making many friends.


Ramblings of a Madman

I looked into the girl's pale blue eyes. I marveled at her alabaster skin.

Alabaster, huh, now there's a funny word for you. What does it mean anyway.

It's a wonderful word, I'm almost certain of it, but it almost sounds like profanity.

Just a slip of the tongue and you have alabastard.

"Listen here, you alabastard thing you, one more word from you and I'll cut off your alabastard arm."

Well...it does sound a bit profane.

What is "a bit profane?" Is it or isn't it, and who dicides what is or what isn't?

The entire process of who dicides things is absurd.

And what is absurd or isn't?

I saw the beginnings of a Television program the other night.

Stevie Wonder introduced the show very well, but then he got political.

He said something like, and this is not totally accurate, but it's the best I can recall, "Anyone who thinks global warming is not real is either blind or ignorant."

I'm sure I used all the wrong words here, but...well, I am a mad man...not in my right mind, even though I am left handed.

Are we to assume here, that this is a blind man speaking to the blind?

I'm so confused.

Please don't get me wrong here, I love Stevie Wonder. I've listened to him since my teen years. He seems like a great person, and a wonderful humanitarian, but...hmm, I wonder, no pun intended, if perhaps entertainers should entertain, and politicians do whatever it is they do, or, in many cases, don't do.

So, Stevie mentioned global warming. I thought it was climate change. Is there any difference? Again, confused.

When did it all begin? When will it stop? Can we make a significant difference? Whose fault is it, anyway?

Sure, mankind has had a big effect upon our planet, just as cows, and many other critters, but, wasn't the earth once just a giant snowball?

How did that snowball get to where it is today?

Can you imagine something picking up earth...a giant snowball, and tossing it at another planet. That would be fun, but has nothing to do with anything else.

Why did I bring it up? Why am I still writing?

Let's get back to the question at hand...HOW. The answer may surprise you...Microorganizms.

Those teenee weenee little things that lived beneath the many layers of ice and snow.

Those little critters thrived down there. They multiplied, died, decomposed, and produced copious amounts of heat.

And so, the underlying surfaces of this ice ball began to melt away. Not only that, but the sun was doing it's part on the outer layers of ice, creating our atmosphere.

And so, eventually, the ice age, that's what we call it...the ice age, well, it came to an end.

It probably was about that time that Adam and Eve came along. I can't be sure about that because I wasn't there at the time.

There they walked, hand in hand, with no cloths on, through that beautiful garden, a MAN and a WOMAN.

It was quite the romantic affair until,

"That woman that thoust gaveth me told me to eat of it sir."

Those probably weren't the exact words, but I'm sure it was something similar.

Man has been blaming women for everything bad ever since. It's probably their fault we have climate change/global warming at all.

If women did not exist, babies would not be born. 

Did you know babies produce heat,

98.6 degrees of it. Put a million little babies together and you've got some kind of heat wave.

Come to think of it, global/whatever, is probably really their fault.

But they're so cute, those slobbering little bundles of no-sleep-at-night, poopy pant things.

Here's the thing, I don't know what that means exactly, and as you have guessed already, I don't know a lot of things, but here's the thing again, it sounds cool.

The earth is like a giant frozen turkey on a rotisserie over a great fire. Eventually it dries up and cooks. I know you don't want to hear that, but we're all doomed.

So, what do you like most, dark meat or white meat. I think turkeys are all dark meat, don't you.

I know I'm not taking this very seriously. I know we should all do our part when it comes to pollution and other matters of the environment, but before we get on our private jet and zip around the world preaching the evils of man, perhaps we should clean up our own mess first.

All this bickering back and forth, does it accomplish anything at all?

All I see is a bunch of people getting angry, pointing fingers, and accomplishing nothing.

Maybe if we all worked together and...hmmm, we're all doomed, aren't we?

© 2017 M.E.Lyle

Author's Note

I didn't know what to label this. Is it science, political...yes. I really should stay away from these topics.

My Review

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What wonderful ramblings of a madman (or should I say near genius!). You put me in a good mood to face the day. And you are quite right, if we all got ourselves right, and that applies to each and every individual, I am sure all the worlds problems would simply evaporate , and we would all be able to face our 'doom' with smiles on our faces! Well done for writing on these topics!

Posted 10 Months Ago

Very clever and adroit satirical write. Adroit- now there's a funny word for you! Love the wit, the relevance, the humor of this 'in your face' yet self-effacing diatribe- had me laughing! You my friend, are no madman! Kudos!

Posted 10 Months Ago

lol you have me chuckling which is a far cry from annoyed when I have the TV going, seldom anymore, I really DID enjoy reading this lol

Posted 10 Months Ago

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4 Reviews
Added on September 13, 2017
Last Updated on September 18, 2017



Wills Point, TX

I'm still alive after 69 years, one double bypass surgery, two children, seven grandchildren, two wives, the second is a winner, rollerblading, biking,marathoning, and various other silly things. L.. more..

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