Thine Eyes

My first poem in almost two years. Love.

 

In thine eyes I see a swirling ocean.

Deep pools of ambrosia,

gathering by my waist,

swallowing me in their path.

 

From thy lips I taste divinity.

The goddess beauty

glorified by Apollo's rays.

Ravager of mankind.

 

Thy breasts be as pillows.

Thy skin of spun silk.

Thy breath, the word of God;

through it passes the life of being.

 

In thine eyes I see the window to your soul,

a blazing ember of light,

golden as the gates of Eden.

The purity of thy love.

Reviews

[Michael X]

Nice job
you overstate the character.. too many "i" "my and "me..
and it switches from modern to olde english making the feeling inconsistant
if you revised this poem at least 3 times, in all areas, I think it would be nice,
the basic wording with no syllable syntax in flow made it choppy.
but i think this could be an excellent poem, keep writing.

[An owl on the moon]

Such beauty that moves over the mind deeply... Wonderful vivid expression of love and desire, so pure and perfect... There is both a vastness and an intimacy revealed in your poetic voice. Pure love few ever find...

[Red Brick Keshner]

I have a nagging suspicion that 'contemporising' the archaic 'thines', etc., will not detract from the poem and certainly won't subtract an iota of its strengths.

[Tabitha]

been a while since i've been on to comment your stuff (sorry about that). This is great. I do agree with the guy that commented below me though. Your language does switch up in time periods a bit much. If you cut back on that though I think you would be fine. Again.... great job :-)

[Karen666]

wow amazing

[.::Cup^E^Cake*RaWr!*::.]

I forgot I reviewed this before & now that I have read it again I have to tell you once again this has to be one of the most beautiful peices I have ever read! The imagry is amazing as well as the way it was wrote in old english!!! You did an amazing job on this piece!

[T]

Awww this is beautifully put and lucky girl she is to be so adored. I love the use of olde English, I did not sense a break in the feeling being expressed, just beautiful.

[sarahkatherine]

This is beautiful.

[Althea Tremaine]

Wow, it's odd to come back and see how different your writing is. I believe this is the first love poem I've read by you, and it's not bad. I like the sense of Old English in there, as well as the emotion I get from reading it. I can see this person means something to you.

[poet2angels (lynda)]

and your poetry is beautiful as well...romantic and beautifully penned

Lynda