Thine Eyes

My first poem in almost two years. Love.

 

In thine eyes I see a swirling ocean.

Deep pools of ambrosia,

gathering by my waist,

swallowing me in their path.

 

From thy lips I taste divinity.

The goddess beauty

glorified by Apollo's rays.

Ravager of mankind.

 

Thy breasts be as pillows.

Thy skin of spun silk.

Thy breath, the word of God;

through it passes the life of being.

 

In thine eyes I see the window to your soul,

a blazing ember of light,

golden as the gates of Eden.

The purity of thy love.

Reviews

[Michael X]

Nice job
you overstate the character.. too many "i" "my and "me..
and it switches from modern to olde english making the feeling inconsistant
if you revised this poem at least 3 times, in all areas, I think it would be nice,
the basic wording with no syllable syntax in flow made it choppy.
but i think this could be an excellent poem, keep writing.

[Steve Thompson]

I do enjoy a good love piece, with some sauce in it. The girl must of been a FOX!!! Solid job sir.
Will get around to these great stories in a sec.......

[Chandler Seven]

It seems like im reading a passage in the 'Song of Songs/Solomon' right here.... it is really beautifully descriptive, and it is true, that Love makes you see the beauty of things. Good piece right there. i'll definitely try reading your stories soon.

[Jerbear The Great]

Absolutely wonderful. Powerful imagery lets your words come to life. I particularly enjoyed the first and third stanzas, though the whole poem was magnificent. One of my favorites for a while to come. Great Write. Keep up the good work.

[Emily B]

Nice. WHat the heck with the 'revise three times' review? Don't shoot me, but reminds me very much of the love poem going on in the "Song of Solomon", good old King James version. Great job.

[FANTASYKNIGHT]

It is very descriptive and almost enchants you, draws you into the subject, which in this case is the eyes, which are so elgently described. nice job

[Tay Mo :)]

Hm. This is very good! Great Job on this. I like the fact that is is in olde english. Even if you do add peices of modern english in here, i think it flows nicely together. Wonderful.

[The Mad Prophet]

Very nicely done, and congrats on winning my contest. This is a nicely written piece I did enjoy reading. Obvious it's worth a climb on the Ladder of Light. Very well done.

[Simplicity]

Beautiful. First poem in almost two years? I really don't believe you. It's beautiful and simply amazing. I congratulate you. Great write.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

The word "ravenger" I do not think is a word at all. Possibly, "ravager" ? The word "pass" should be made plural to "passes" and there should probably be a comma after "thy breath". Other than these things the spelling and syntax seem to be o.k. The content is just a very sweet love poem and a great show of the worship of love and the object of that love, just great.