All I want, Nothing I need

When you get everything you want, And it's nothing you need.

  Love is an expression that is used to show an over foundness of another. Love as a word gets tossed around and twisted so much it becomes meaningless. Many people including myself forget that a passionate love is meant for one person not two. If you have fallen in love for more than one person choose the second, because if the first one meant much you wouldn't have fallen for the second. In the eyes of a young girl love is merely a emotion felt too often. I was young and foolish and too lustful to realise.

 

 

 

It was the late spring when I first met him. He was everything I wanted. He was sweet, kind, Charming, sensitive, handsome, a flirt, truthful, honest, loving. In fact he was the nicest boy I'd ever met. A teenagers life doesn't teach you how to fall. It can't prepare you for how hard the fall will be. It can't let you know of the pain, heart ache, tears, sadness you'll experience. And that's what kills the most you never know. . .

 

I'd fallen in love before, well i'm not entirely sure if you could say that,. It was the most horrible and heart aching thing i had ever esperienced. I didn't want to go back no I couldn't go back.

 

Dear Diary

             I feel almost insane! He's the most amazing person, nothing at all like what I fell for the first time. He actually cares about what I have to say. He speaks to me like I've known him all my life. He's not in my year, which gives me the advantage. I wont see him change around his friends. Down side is any guy like that would have a girlfriend. Which to much of my dissapointment he has.

 

A couple of years passed he left secondry school, I was in my last year. We still spoke and met up on regular bases. We texted most nights whenever we could, I still felt like it was wrong in exactly the same way i felt when I was 13 going on 14. It didn't always fill me with guilt, only when I heard from her or see them. That's the only time. It was because I could see the guilt behind the love in his eyes.

 

He held a party after my prom which was almost over by the time I got to the house. I stayed at his that night knowing my parents wouldn't be happy having a sixteen year old enter there house at about three in the morning.

 

He welcomed me with a drink. I stood there against the wall, from the front not looking out of place. I wore a black b**b-tube dress which cropped just above my knee's. The back of the dress drapped to the floor hitting the back of the black high heels i wore.

 

Clentching my stomach my knee's began to tremble as I started to fall he grapping my arm pulling me up on to him. He kept his arm on my back for support. "Are you okay?" I looked towards the drink in my hand, the back towards him.

"I'm fine, I don't know what happened just then" I stod up straight "Do you mind if I go up stairs?"

"No that's fine your staying here any way aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am."

 

I  climbed up the stairs still with drink in hand. I entered his room turning on the light slowly. I placed the glass on his desk as I went to lay on the bed. I took off the heels after sitting down for a while.

 

I walked back down the stairs in bare foot. I stood on the stairs as I watched people leave slightly drunk as their parents or friends picked them up. He ran up the stairs grabbing me, lifting me up the stairs back into his room.

 

We laid on his bed all snuggled up tight, he held me in arms as we talked most of the night our chance to catch up. It feels like i haven't spoken to him in so long. As we spoke I wondered where his girlfriend was and why isn't she here.

 

"So how's things going with you and Danielle, last I heard you two were still together?"

"Yeah, we're still going strong" I sighed "although we don't get to see each other much any more." I turned in on to my side.

"Why isn't she here then?" he didn't look like he wanted to answer.

"Well, she's not a fan of me having girls staying round so she didn't come cause she said and I quote 'I'll probably slap her' ."

"Oh, so it's my fault?"

"No don't think like that I'd rather have you here." Did't answer back I was quiet smug with myself in the fact he'd rather have me here than his girlfriend. Although he could be saying this because i'm with him now.

 

As we held on to each other he kissed my fore head. I place my face into his chest going red with flattery and embarrasement. I fell asleep softly and calmly in that position. It was warm and comforting.

 

 

Staying there incased all night, the warmth was breath taking. Still fully clothed we looked like the reversed version of the cinderella story. I woke up before he did. My hair laid ratty half way down my back. As I moved he began to wake up still with his arms rapped delicately around me. Realising where his hands had been he moved away quickly.

 

We sat up leaning against the wall, still half asleep. Loooking towards the desk I saw the glass was gone. His mum had been in. I placed my hands on my face covering my eyes slightly. "Your mum has been in here" I stated.

"How do you know?"

"The glass, it's gone" I stated once more.

"Oh".

 

We turned around of the bed. I stumbled over nothing. "Your balance is really off" he said smugly

"I know" I laughed. As I stood up I heard the music bein to play. "Darling, darling stand by me, oh stand by me" He walked towards pulling me in we began to dance. It reminded of all things we'd missed. Before any occasion we'd put on our favourite song on (in our case the first song that we listened to together) and we'd dance.

 

I missed our memorise from school. Back when he'd see and I'd see him and this smile would just spread across our faces. I guess we were just happy that we got to spend time with each other, no matter now little.

 

 

After getting dressed into normal comfortable clothing we headed down the stairs. His mum sat in the front room watching saturday kitchen as we made breakfast for our selves. It was a cool kitchen on a hot summer's day, it was relaxing in a tense atmosphere. It was like I could tell, when something was wrong with him and it made me feel flustered. As though I was slowly sufficating.

 

I sat down on the table top eating a small bowl of cerial. As she glided along the tile floor making him self what appeared to be a rather large meal. He played music just loud enough to be danced  to but quiet enough so that his mum couldn't hear. The lights shone through softly hitting his face as he stood by the cooker.

 

Repeatedly he swung his hair out of his face as he kept his eyes on the pan. Stepping to the beat of the music he travelled towards me. He held my bowl in his hands placing it neatly on the side next to me. He held onto my thighs as he lifted me up, the longer I stayed in the air the more I'd slip and the more his hands would travel up corressing my body. He gave me a quick embrace before grabbing the plates that were set behind where I sat.

 

We sat and ate (well he ate) food. Occasionally we spoke between his mouthfulls. "You look timid" he stated.

"Do I? Actually I'm slightly confused what do you mean?"

"Well not timid exactly, you look like something tragic has happened to you"

"Well I'm fine honestly, Nothing has happened apart from Prom, Prom it was like an ending" It's like an ending I said with a solem look upon my face.

"Think of it this way leaving behind b*****s and bastereds". He laughed as he put away his plate.

If only . . . I thought to myself.

 

We walked through a hallway, stopping at the front room whem was sat. He simple told his mum "I'm going out be back later"

She replied "Not too late! Tanya Darling if your sleeping again make sure he comes back in one peice" She laughed as we left.

 

He curved his arm around my waste as we walked through this wide open space. Any and everyone could see us but it almost felt right. I still wonder weather that's strange. We walk for a while until finding a grassy place to sit.

 

Laying on the grass we both turned to face each other, his long brown hair drapped over the left side of his face. I brushed his fringe out of his face with my hand to reveal his soft hazel eyes. "You look beautiful" He spoke softly as his lip seemingly never moved.

"Thank you" I replied as he gently took hold of my hand. We starred at each other for a few seconds.

 

Turning back to lay on my back I let go of his hand. I looked up to the pale blue sky. The clouds passed slowly over us, without blocking the sun. I didn't even hear him move. As my attention returned back I felt his arm firmly against mine.

 

Our fingers slowly inter locked. His legs pushed up against mine keeping my held by my knee's. Leaning up to get comfortable he rapped his arm around me still he kept hold of my hand. As I placed my head onto his chest I whispered "I wish I had you" he begun to held me tighter so I could only assume he heard.

 

We stayed there laying on the floor for hours indulging in each other's company.

 

Life hadn't prepared me for a love that couldn't be mine. Life had taught me right from wrong, what to do in troubling sistuations, but no a sistuation like this. It had taken away a love that could should have of been mine. Way before it even had the chance to be mine.

 

"Are you staying tonight?" he whispered calmly in my ear.

"If you want me to" I replyed sliding my hand digaonally down his chest, back on to my leg.

"I do". He simple answered.

"Okay, let me text my mum".

"Okay".

 

I texted my mum saying 'Hi, Mum  because you love me so much can I stay round Owen's? I'll come home and collect my stuff, much love your darling daughter Tanya xXx' . Cheese it's always the way to go when getting what you want.It didn't take her long to reply 'Fine love, just be careful see you soon lots of love mum.xx'.

 

"What did she say?" He asked running his fingers through my hair.

"She said it's fine, do you mind if we leave now?" I asked looking up at this beautiful adonis.

"What to yours? of course that's fine" he said as he sat up. Before I had a chance to conveice what was happening his face was rapidly moving towards mine. I bit my lip before relaxing just to let this happen. Our lips touched.

 

"Should we go now?" He said rather quickly seemingly adovid what happened.

"Yeah" I replied with a slight laugh. He stood up holding hands out to help me up. I took his hand. He held me in close again only this time he let go. We begun to walk closely together across the feild, over the bridge and over the road.

 

"Hello sweetie, I've got your stuff in here" My mum called as I passed the front room.

"Alright thanks mum" I said as I tranfered my prom dress and night cloths for a different set of cloths and night cloths. "Bye" I  added in a high pitched tone as I left.

 

He gave me a piggy back back to his, we looked. . . Cute? I guess. I held my arms loosely around his neck, sometimes letting go to keep my hat on my head. He never minded carrying me home, a chance to show his strength. His top was rather casual but it looked smart a dark blue and white striped polo shirt with a dark blue collar. The colours suited him without making his looked flushed. We both wore sunglasses making us look like something out of a mushy lovey-dubby movie as we travelled though the lush green grass over the field. I jumped off of his back down to the ground before reaching the pavement. My stuff was held in a flowery beach bag, that laid just below my hips. The long grey cardigan was just higher than where my pale blue and white flowery skirt ended. As we walked the cardigan seemed to pick up wind and float as my skirt filled with air like a hot air balloon.

 

Getting back to his we settled back into the front room with Aaliyah (his mum). I sat on the sofa next to Aaliyah and Owen sat on the left of me. As we got deeper into our conversation the door knocked. "I'll get it" Aaliyah said cheerfully as she got up to answer the door. We carried on with our conversation in the front room until "Owen, here now" She called. Owen looked marginly confused as he got up and walked out. I sat in the front room alone hearing murmering.

 

Aaliyah came back into the room looking concerned. She sat down next to me and put her arm around me before whispering "Don't let her get to you" I had a feeling who ever she was talking about she wasn't found of. "I won't, I promise I'm stronger than to let anyone get to me" I answered as Danielle walked in. "Holy s**t!" I said as it accidently passed my lips. She didn't look to happy that I was here nor did she want to sit next to me. She sat across the room from me.

 

I sat down calmly and continued a pervious conversation I had with Aaliyah. "So yeah and when he-" I was cut off by laughter.

"And oh my gosh that was so embarressing"

"You can so see that happening as well, It's like one of those moment where you hate it then you just can't help but laugh" We laughed louder and heavier than before. As we laughed Danielle joined. Myself and Aaliyah suddenly went quiet.

 

"Tanya darling, help me in the kitchen" Aaliyah said pointing to the kitchen.

"Yep, course Aaliyah" I answered as we both got up. Once we got into the kitchen we shut the door then burst out laughing. "PHAA"

"Oh I'm actually crying" she said whipping the tears from her face. "Takes me back to the old days" she carried on.

"Old days? Your not that old" I commented, steadying my breathing.

"You should of see me I was the true wild child, party's every night, only one boy though and he was never held quiet so tight a leash by me unlike so and so in there" she laughed.
" I can err see what you mean" I started of calmly but my laughed esculated.

"Alright dear lets calm down" She put her hand on my shoulder as we breathed deeply. I jumped up on to the table top she got us a quick drink of vodka and coke cola.

 

We had a quick drink before grabbing out random peices of food to create a meal with. We placed the food in rambles across the side. We carried on having drinks as we cooked spagettie carbonara. Owen walked with Danielle held close by her side. We looked over to them then laughed a loud laughed as we looked back towards each other. You could smell the alchol in the room.

 

"Have you been drinking" Owen asked sounding almost embarrassed.

"No course not sweetie" Aaliyah said as I attempted to keep quiet. I little laugh came out. "Shh. . . He'll find out" she whispered not very queitly.

"Okay then" he sounded like he didn't believe a word. "I think I'll cook you two go sit down"

"She's giving us the evils Aaliyah" I attempred to whisper.

"I know!" She laughed loudly and proudly.

 

We seat down on the small circular table with drinks in our hands, as we sang loudly to the music. Every so often I'd see a quick cheeky smile from Owen when miss egeal eyes wasn't locked on him. A very drunk Aaliyah stood up "I'm sorry dear, I'm not in the right state to have company. Danielle be a dear if you could leave soon that would be lovely" she said as she stagged round grabbing my arm and taking me back into the front room.

 

She turned the music up to it's maxium and began to dance, I joined her as only I could do.

“What and she’s allowed to stay here” I heard Danielle say to Owen. Her voice sounded spiteful and devious. 

“Well, my mum’s looking after her” he told her trying to save himself. 

“Urg, fine. I’ll be round in the morning” she said before being walked out of the house. She passed me Aaliyah dancing badly to loud music. I caught her face in the corner of my eye and no way was she pleased to see me. 

Hours passed, we became ever increasingly drunk and tired as our energy run down quickly. “I’ll stay down here” Aaliyah told us as she collapsed on to the sofa having far much more to drink than myself. I set of  stumbling up the stairs with Owen close behind. “Come on” he called as he brought me steadily into his room. “Lay down” he instructed me. 

I collapsed on to his bed  as he put a film on. He’d reached the bed and I was already semi-conscious. 

Author's Note

Review, more to come :).x

Reviews

[ImagineItAll]

This really takes me back to the first time I fell in love. I love how you can do that. Why wouldn't you want to feel the way you did with him? I don't think you should let fear stop you from feeling anything-especially something so great to feel.

I loved this part of what you wrote: "If you have fallen for more than one person always chose the second, because if the first one meant much you wouldn't have fallen for the second."

[Caramel]

Awww... sweet, but, you bad boy Owen, you already have a girlfriend.

:D nice work.

[Angelic_Dreamer]

This was also amazing!I like this book because of its teen romance

[Tyler and Lozza]

awwwwwwwwwwwwww xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx this is sooooooooooo cute (in a amazingly good way :P) top scores millie :D - Lozza ♥♥♥♥